untitled 143

forgot my place

forgot my time

i got a nice car but

i know that it's not mine.

i try my best to stand on level ground

but how do i manage when there's no ground to

stand on?

 

left me alone

to my own devices

i'm too scared to run

cause i caused the crisis

forget me, then remember me, then

do it again

but how do i let go of the ladder

that has saved me from myself..?

 

i'm fighting a war and i don't know what my side is

i'm running a race but i don't know what the prize is

but if you can tell me

just what the price is,

i'll pay you all in cash and then

steal away all of your sins

 

ohhh....

143, bite my lip

143, i fall then i trip

143, what a cheap trick..

 

my martyred soul fell out of it's shell

i feel stone cold, yet so full of pleasure

i know what you need

but not what you'd like.

sometimes you run so you don't have

to start a fight....

Reviews

[LlamaLord]

Very very cool. I was a little confused by what the number 143 meant, but I'll just take a guess... haha. Alright so there were a few parts here and there that just really popped out at me.
"143, bite my lip

143, i fall then i trip

143, what a cheap trick.."
This was great and the repetition was used to the perfect extent. If you ever go back, I wouldn't even consider going back and adding another line with 143. Maybe in a different section of the piece, but these three lines are truly emphasized. It creates a very comfortable flow for the piece :)
"sometimes you run so you don't have

to start a fight...."
This part struck me as very mature. It shows the reader you have enough decency to not start any kind of war. This is a key part when you are trying to connect with the reader. Great piece! :D

-Austin