What is this?

What is this thing I feel?

This feeling deep inside

This tingling sensation I've never felt

That throws away my pride

 

It turns my thoughts to jumbled jargon

And makes my heartbeat hum

It morphs my voice to nervous mumbles

Like an infant beating a drum

 

And maybe there's a reason for this

A reason I cannot find

A certain person might be thy cause

Who sits upon my mind

 

And forever there he stays making me wonder

How can I put him astray

And futilely I try again and again

To make him go away

 

And others come and others go

And tell me tales of great heroes

Who felt this feeling amidst their woes

 

And there I lay just wondering

As the rain and hail keep thundering

And that barraging snow keeps plundering

 

At this whole new world I've landed in

As exquisite as a paladin

Which coos as velvety as a mandolin

 

 

And here I'll stay

 forever this way

Til this feeling comes and goes

On morrow a new day begins

And once again this feeling comes

Like a blank new sheet of snow

Author's Note

Yeah, i just sorta wrote what i'm thinking, so don't mind that it sucks lol

Reviews

[Mioki]

I agree with Sulen, this defiantly doesn't suck. It seems to be a trail of thoughts, but that works well with the poem because the reader can picture someone lying down and just thinking of this entirely new sensation. You really have a way with words, and that makes this poem flow earnestly. Overall, I thought it was an interesting write, and heartwarmingly confusing.

[Worms]

you are kidding right, if this sucks then any litereature I have seen deserves to be burned, this is a beautiful piece with a deep meaning, a tragic hope for a lost cause. This is perfect for a beautiful tragedy, but one that can still be turned towards the light if you only let it take you away.
and I do not agree with some of the comments below, lust doesn't do this to a person, I've been there, there is no way that this emotion is lust, you need to find this guy whoever he is and let him know how you feel, and how he plays with your heart

[Deepshikha]

Oh, Bhavi, is this about he whom takes hold of your mind, 24/7? Hehe...
Ms. Eloquence.

[Domo]

It doesn't suck, I thought it was a very nice poem. It reminded me of many thoughts, and memories. This poem is good, great job! ☺
~D♥m♥~

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem! Beautiful!

[Tony Woods]

haha this doesn't suck, some people might find this insulting, I hope you don't because it isn't meant to be, but it has the makings of a good pop song (I personally appreciate pop music). I'm not talking Jonas Brothers crap or something corny like that, I mean a legit pop song that has the jingle to stick in your head but at the same time not shameful to have it stuck there (i.e. it isn't a "God I have THAT song stuck in my head again!)

I think the reason for this is that the rhyme isn't cheap, it's well contrived and every line fits into to a theme. Rhyming Paladin with Mandolin definetly deserves props haha. Don't be so modest, this doesn't suck at all, and that isn't the best compliment it deserves, it's a very good poem.

[J.R Schlievert]

it don't suck! it has a good rhyme to it! i liked it

[Twilight]

Although it lacks structure, I like the way you have written this. The actual rhyme scheme is pretty good, but not particularly special. I could not help wondering, what inspired the writer to express these thoughts and feelings? Either way, it's still quite thought-provoking and interesting to read. In the Author's Note, you are being more than a little modest?

Thankyou for sharing this with us, Bhavana!

[jessfoundwonder]

I don't really get it.
don't worry, it doesn't suck.
i guess i just can't really relate to it.
And for 14, you've got talent.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. these are great emotions to share.. fumblings of various feelings so true to youth! I still feel this way at times.. that tingling sensation.. pondering meanings.. we are all seeking children.. finding a bit of wisdom along life's path.. I loved the flow.. 3 stanzas in particular really stood out here:

It turns my thoughts to jumbled jargon
And makes my heartbeat hum
It morphs my voice to nervous mumbles
Like an infant beating a drum

And maybe there's a reason for this
A reason I cannot find
A certain person might be thy cause
Who sits upon my mind

And forever there he stays making me wonder
How can I put him astray
And futilely I try again and again
To make him go away

Wow.. that fresh sense of confusion possibly of young lusting love.. wanting to run from it.. yet it captures our minds and senses... so hard to escape! Sounds as if someone's perhaps being pursued in a romantic way! I could completely relate to this.. I am always shy when first meeting someone ... but also ponder if they will take over my senses.. so I would run.. as far as I could.. many would compare me to the ruanaway bride!!! lol.. it's true. You are a young woman with huge hopes and dreams for your career.. reading your BIO.. you can have romance but make sure the other knows your aspirations and measure if he may be strong enough to support it and you unconditionally! Love the honesty in your work! =)

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. these are great emotions to share.. fumblings of various feelings so true to youth! I still feel this way at times.. that tingling sensation.. pondering meanings.. we are all seeking children.. finding a bit of wisdom along life's path.. I loved the flow.. 3 stanzas in particular really stood out here:

It turns my thoughts to jumbled jargon
And makes my heartbeat hum
It morphs my voice to nervous mumbles
Like an infant beating a drum

And maybe there's a reason for this
A reason I cannot find
A certain person might be thy cause
Who sits upon my mind

And forever there he stays making me wonder
How can I put him astray
And futilely I try again and again
To make him go away

Wow.. that fresh sense of confusion possibly of young lusting love.. wanting to run from it.. yet it captures our minds and senses... so hard to escape! Sounds as if someone's perhaps being pursued in a romantic way! I could completely relate to this.. I am always shy when first meeting someone ... but also ponder if they will take over my senses.. so I would run.. as far as I could.. many would compare me to the ruanaway bride!!! lol.. it's true. You are a young woman with huge hopes and dreams for your career.. reading your BIO.. you can have romance but make sure the other knows your aspirations and measure if he may be strong enough to support it and you unconditionally! Love the honesty in your work! =)