Last Breath

Loneliness Of Death

In the shadows, sounds await

In the dark, shrill harmony of crickets

A lone candle, there a fading gift!

Oh, wondering wher’ you are

In each quiet breath

 

Innocent night air, a will of search

The gates open wide, unlocking my fears

The lone road, the quiet tears

Oh, wondering wher’ you are

In each quiet breath

 

Am I  asleep till the morning?

Will I find love on the journey?

The deafening silence on darkness breast

          There you are above me

          In each quiet sob.

Author's Note

I wrote this work when I and the love of my life had a fight. it was as though i was dying when we didn't talk to each other. Then i realized what it means to die and my heart went out to those who have lost someone. All I can say is "I am sorry"

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Yes, that feeling after a big fall out can feel like a bereavement. I thought your images and writing here are great. I think you might reword your last verse. The ending 'no more' is not right and could be dropped. Also sobs is better as sob.
These are minor things and I thought you had a great concept here.
Regards.
Alan

[Mirror]

Thank you Alan. It means much. I will edit it, Sir.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I think the way you've written this, the structure, the phrasing and the flow are quite something. What actually gives a nice impact (in my opinion) is the repetition, so rightly placed. I really liked your word choices. Nicely penned.

[Mirror]

Great review dear friend. Thank you.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome. Always a pleasure reading good works (:

[Bohdyna]

"the gate open wide, unlocking my fears
the lone road, the quiet tears"

I shivered reading these verses. They actually evoke different emotions; the fear of losing anyone at all.

[Mirror]

Dearest, Hmm. Not easy. My heart goes out at the thought. Thank you for reviewing... :)

[DIVYA]

In the dark, shrill harmony of crickets
A lone candle, there a fading gift!

Sheer, beautiful poetry this. The sad realization of the lover in the concluding verse touches me. May God help eternal lovers to reunite in His home.

[Williams Ike]

You must be a strong lover to have felt the death of LOVE so strongly that I saw you doting on FEAR rather than the object of your love. The deafening silence that LOVELORN & DEATH brings are well encapsulated. Bravo Friend ! I love it.

[Great Aunt Astri]

It is wonderful that you can emphasise with those who have lost a loved one, and write this poem. The silence, the questioning, the sobs are all part of grief. I suppose we just have to go through it to get to the other side (that is both, the other side of grief, and the other side of death... who knows?) Well done for writing this little poem full of feeling.

[Mirror]

Thank you Great Aunt!!!

[KeeD]

This got the hair on my hands to stand, it's chilling and terrifying the thought of complete loneliness. Dying must be a lonely feeling, but even losing someone to death is a lonely crushing feeling. You paint the picture of a fear some of us keep trapped inside and are too afraid to even think about. I enjoyed the piece.

[Mirror]

It is feels nice that you enjoyed it....Thank you soooo much KeeD

[The Seeker of Thoughts]

Nobody enjoys the silence that follows death. It chills us to the bone.We look around and everything is dead but we are frightened by the loss of loved one. It is the sudden silence that engulfs the world that scares us most. Thank you for the wonderful writing.

[Mirror]

Thank you too for the review. You have reflected all I felt and the truth behind death. We don't need to die to feel what death feels.