Jamais

This is for Hayden, my love. Taylor, my best friend. And Benjamin, my brother. I'm pretty sure you guys can figure this one out. In words it's so much different than in actuality.

Faded lipstick smiles, in photographs unseen

Cold, abandoned spirits, trapped in worlds between

Her silent whispers echo, as she dances with the trees

Sunshine moves across her face, memories crushed with autumn leaves

In a circle we sit, under her time spell

In my heart I rewrite the story, that she longs for me to tell

Forever I will sing her song, of wildflowers and crecent moons

Sunset falls upon us, in a splash of deep maroons

Now shadows of the present, prance in black cloaked dreams

I laugh a sweet goodbye, as we float home in moonlit beams

 

Reviews

[KL]

You have some amazing imagery here, but it seems like the poem is unfinished, like there is still something left to be said (the ending line doesn't scream finality) - or maybe that's just me wanting more haha. The second half of the poem gets a little bumpy in regards to meter, but other than that this is an enchanting write. Nicely done.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I love this poem. It does have a lot of amazing imagery. I loved the feeling of the poem though. The way you ended it made me want more...that is what is good about any poem. A poem can always tell a story or what people will think. Anyway good write. Thanks for sharing.

[Lydia Blackwell]

I really love this one. I love the imagery, the easy rhythm, the ethereal quality, the hint of sadness and the fond tribute to someone well loved. I could see myself illustrating this with pen and ink and watercolor. It is like a little mini story. great job!!!

[Mr. Darkblood]

it was a rhyme poem? really? I hardly noticed. That means it's good. I love the imagery and makes the setting feel vivid in my mind. Nice work

[Wade Colvert]

I like that. Good job!! You are a great poet.

[Miss Coral]

Nice piece- lovely flow (though it feels a bit interrupted in the second half-the one you started is very distinctive) and vocabulary throughout it. I love the imagery, and while the imagery has a nice tone of finality to it, the piece really doesn't. Great piece though.

-Coral-

[Blue]

I love your rhythm here, it flows real nicely. The rhyme was excellent, and I adore this poem very much. It just makes me picture multiple things as I continue to read on. Lovely poetry, cannot wait to read more :)


-Blue

[.]

Such wonderful imagery, this is amazing. Wonderful flow and rhyme scheme. You are very talented.

[horsedreamer]

I wish i was a good writer like you, you are the best i know you take any subject and even sad ones and turn them into beautiful poetry i wish i had your talent! Keep writing as long as it is in your heart and you have a passion for it that keeps you going but if that flame of excitement burns out then your passion is gone and no desire to write then stop if you do not love it you have to love what you do.

[.]

Very Beautiful Imagery! I like the dreamy quality of the poem. Makes the mind float elseware.

Ash

[Short.Nerd]

Great Imagery.

Very well done.

Keep up the good work(: