Chapter Three

There are six other residents sitting in the conference room, but Selene is noticeably the only one who looks too small for the white coat hangning on her shoulders. She is twirling her badge between her fingers, eyes every so often drifting along the letters of her name. In this moment, it feels like an anchor, as if looking away would somehow rob her of her place at this table. Everyone else seems to looks straight ahead. She questions her place anyway.

The conference room itself is clean, with soft blue walls and a long oval shaped table in the center, and a comfortable black rug beneath their shoes. The chairs are made of some comforting grey material, which Selene snugly rests her back against. The table is a sturdy wood, with notebooks and orientation folders littering the top of it. Everything is organized in its own messy kind of way. In front of the residents was a large projector screen, with pictures of Seraphim staff that looks way too fake-happy to be there. Behind them, windows that displayed the city behind them, pulsing to its own rhythm.

Delevigne stands right at the top of the table, shadow casting over the screen, feeling larger than life -- more than she already does. Hip jutted to the side, eyes scanning the residents like meat, and fingers pressed against her scrub top in waiting. 

Selene takes a moment to survey the other residents in the room -- all of them appear more learned, wiser, filling out their coats and radiating determination so thick that she can feel it from her seat. She feels like an ailing peacock, too sick to fluff her feathers, but sure wanting to try. Her hand comes off her badge to rest on the table. Everyone has a first day, sings her mother's voice in her mind, so don't be hard on yourself about yours. You've earned this! Shine, darling. Shine.

She sure doesn't feel like she's doing any sort of shining right now.

She sits upright, coiling her spine straight, attempting to unfurl said metaphorical feathers in a protective cocoon around herself. Her mother was right: she had worked hard to be here. Why did it feel so hard to accept that? Perhaps, she surmises, this is all just first day jitters. She'll get rid of them -- eventually, after this meeting, where the possibilities felt like Goliaths in pastel blue gowns.

Delevigne, finally, speaks. 'Lets get started," she says, standing upright now. "I appreciate your cooperation in waiting for our final resident so we could get to this point." Selene wishes she could sink right into her chair, her face hot with embarrassment.

"Allow me to formally introduce myself to the group," Delevigne continues. "My name is Delevigne, and I am the second shift charge nurse for the Seraphim Valley Memorial Hospital Emergency Department -- which, for the rest of this orientation, you will hear me refer to as the E.R. Now..." She leans over the table some, hands pressed firmly on the table. It reminds Selene of the army almost. "You might be wondering why I am here on first shift, in the bright early morning hours, if I am the second shift charge, teaching all of you about what it means to be in this position you are now. And the answer is simple." 

The slide behind her changes.

"Its because I care." 

From the white screen blooms a group photo of assorted doctors and nurses, all smiling and linking their arms together over one another's shoulders. The picture is bright. Optimistic. Hopeful. It almost looks like something Selene has seen on one of those medical magazine covers. Maybe she has. She can't quite tell.

Delevigne taps the screen. "I'll be honest with you," she says, pulling her hand back to place it on the table. "This picture is the corporate approved one. It's the one we all have in our minds eye when we think of careers in medicine. We all wanna be the happy healer, right?" A pause. No one answers. "Right. Well, we can be that here from time to time, but in the E.R., its a bloody jungle filled with caged animals. You will panic. You will second guess. And the only way to get through that, is to care."

Sheesh. Selene is starting to understand why the hospital has such a renowned reputation. If every staff member approached their work with the same fire and passion Delevigne was showing now, then true healing was only natural to follow. It makes Selene feel inspired. It makes Selene feel afraid. 

"I became charge nurse on second shift when I was twenty six years old, having worked for Seraphim since I was twenty one. While I am a firm believer in being humble, I will never not be proud of the fact that my efforts were seen for what they were -- I see people. Not numbers, not insurance codes, not ways to pad my pockets. People. Really sick, really tired people, who may be having the worst day of their life and have chosen to throw themselves at the mercy of sterilized strangers." A cool glance, followed by linked arms over her chest. "People. Who deserve to be taken care of regardless of their path in life, and any events that lead them to one of our beds." 

There is a flicker of something in Delevigne's eyes. A change in expression ; a faint whisper of a look that seemed almost incomplete in its birth. Selene makes a note of this, but is unable to think much else before her speech continues. "It is my passion, my drive, my know-how, and my caring that gave me this prestigious honor, so if you have any doubts about how wise this decision is, I humbly request you put them to rest." She looks over her shoulder then, silver locks slipping off her shoulder in lazy swoops. "We will not look like this group of Kumbaya TV doctors and nurses, but we will look like something real. Something tangible. And we'll get there by caring."

Selene feels like she should be clapping, maybe. 

No one does, though. 

The slide changes -- its a list of all the boring things. Exit locations, where to find fire extinguishers, what was considered a "weapon" in the hospital, so on and so forth. "Anyone who is concerned about my medical knowledge can find a copy of my education and credentials in their orientation folder. While it is true that the attending will have the final say so on all your calls from this point forward, it is me who will be moving with you as you go, so its me you will report to. Are we clear on this? Any questions?"

The room is quiet for awhile, as if soaking in the weight of Delevigne's words, before a short, curly haired doctor at the front raises her hand. "...I'm sorry," he says, "but I find it really strange that Dr. Geist is not with us today. I don't mean to insult you by any means, but it really feels like the attending should be present for orientation." A few other residents nod, quietly, and Delevigne seems to smile at the sight.

"If you're afraid Dr. Geist is not a part of this orientation process, that is where you are mistaken. He trusts my judgement enough to have signed off on this responsibility of mine, and I report back to him how well each of you do in terms of playing ball with the nursing staff. So, as odd as you might find it, trust and be assured he will be made aware of every choice -- and every mistake-- you make."

Selene wonders if that is a threat.

Maybe it is.

The curly haired resident opens his mouth as if to speak, but open meeting Delevigne's gaze, he is quick to shut it and let his eyes float back to the orientation folder in front of him. The other residents take his cue and do the same. Delevigne takes a moment, Selene assumes, to make sure everyone is on board before continuing. "Alright, lets talk fire exits..."

Admittedly, Selene isn't think about fire exits. She's not thinking about Dr. Geist, or the ER. No, she's thinking heavily on Delevigne's words, tethered only to the present by the occasional flip of papers between her fingers. It's because I care.

Care.

Selene has never cared more about anything in her entire life than the path before her now. All those nights she had been curled over paper coffee cups and thick textbooks, splayed over assorted tabletops, had accumulated to bring here right where she was. She wants to believe the caring she had done over steaming noodle bowls, bought with her last few dollars, would be the same type of care Delevigne is talking about now. Fire. Passion. Drive. Shining.

Somewhere, between talking about documentation policy and attendance protocol, Selene starts resting her gaze on the residents surrounding her. Do they care like this? Do they understand the gravity? The weight? In the wide spectrum of people versus paycheck, where did they all land? What were their goals? What were their ambitions? And, following that, Selene wonders if they're all wondering this about her. Each shifted gaze, pulled away just as quickly, gives her moment for pause. For a moment, Selene closes her eyes tight, then opens them again. She just will focus for now. The rest will come as it comes.

"Alright," Delevigne says, voice commanding, "that should be enough for now. Let's take a 15 and then come back here for the rest of all the boring stuff. We'll get out on the floor a little while after. For now, stretch your legs, visit vending, and I'll see you back here in 15."

The other residents are standing up, some stretching, others reaching into their pockets to check for their wallets. Selene, however, is remaining seated. From up front, Delevigne leans over the table to extend a sympathetic smile her way. "How you holding up, Dr. Watson?" she asks, with a twinkle in her eyes. "It can be a lot all at once, so if you need anything -- "

"No, no," Selene interrupts, "I'm okay. You've really been informative and thorough, I can see why Dr. Geist is so comfortable with you running orientation." A pause, and Delevigne smiles once again. "He knows quality work when we sees it. The trick is to catch him in the rare moments he looks up from his food."

"Is he really that gluttonous?" Selene chuckles.

"Usually." Delevigne snickers.

In all of this, Selene is thankful Delevigne is here. She seems like a comforting figure, yet a passionate source. When Selene really thinks about, she feels more like fire and fury in the best possible way. The kind that cares. Selene wants to care just like that. She wants it to envelop her being, to truly become the beacon of hope she has always wanted to be. With Delevigne, she is confident she will get there. All of the pieces are already there.

Selene furrows her brow. "Say, Delevigne..." she begins, standing up now to wipe her hands on the sides of her coat. "...you really seem to love what you do. Which is, an obvious statement, I know. But I just -- I mean I was wondering -- "

"Why haven't I gone for my MD?" Delevigne interrupts, and Selene blushes in surprise. Was she that obvious? "You're not the first one to ask that, and I suppose given the fact I'm running orientation in place of an attending, you'd be within reason to ask me that. Truth be told, I just love nursing. I mean ... "

Delevigne sits on the edge of the table, hands in her lap, looking at Selene with a sort of soft sincereness that does nothing but pull her futher into Delevigne's orbit. "...I can't say it wasn't a thought here and there. But there is something nursing has given me that I just -- I just dont think being a doctor would. No offense to you of course. Besides, my paychecks are fine and my patients are happy. What more would I possibly want?"

Selene nods, understanding. Delevigne looks Selene over once, then smiles softly. "Listen," she assures, "I am going to be here for you through all of this. We will be a team. As long as you keep the patients first and your ego checked at the door, it's going to be alight. Try to relax a little." 

"My ego?" A frown. "I don't have an ego."

"Yes, you do. Every doctor has one. It's part of their graduation requirements or something."

"Sounds like you have one yourself."

"Of course I do! I just never let it get between me and my patient care. I'm asking you to make sure its the same for you."

Delevigne is chuckling under her breath, a sound that Selene isn't quite able to figure out is out of sarcasm or sincere entertainment. "Listen, Dr. Watson. I'm here to follow your lead. All I am asking is that you give me a lead worth following. Can you do that?" 

Selene gives a nod, slow, and sincere. "Yes, I can."

And suddenly, proving that was all she cared about.

Reviews

[FlatDaddy]

Absolutely terrific! You do so well describing the minor things that make this place and it's people real, not just fictional characters. I thoroughly love Delevigne! She is so strong and self assured while being what she cares about most: caring!
I noticed a few places where the font suddenly gets quite small for no apparent reason. Not sure if it's the fault of my computer or something in your text. I do know that the WC program, when adding a story, has given me fits sometimes, like changing characters it doesn't like (in my case, it's usually dashes -- like that, but other times I have no idea what insult I might have written to anger the WC god of writing).
I read the other review by abeltec and found it spot on throughout, so I won't rehash any of what she/he -- I think "she" is right -- said. There is one instance she missed: You wrote, "Admittedly, Selene isn't think about fire exits." I believe "isn't" should be "doesn't."

I am certainly enjoying this adventure of yours. Emmy. I am anxious to see what happens when you get into the real meat of the story when scalpels and tempers are flying all over the ER -- and the staff start to interact with each other (and patients!) in cute/caring/troubled/helping/insulting/loving/etc. ways. You've got a great start. Tell me more!

Keith

[abletec]

Emunah June, you're setting up the characters nicely here. Delevigne is clearly a force of nature. Selene has imposter syndrome that makes the state of Alaska look like a tiny uninhabited Pacific atoll. Your description of the "corporate approved" photo seems to hint that all is not as it seems on the surface. There is obviously plenty of opportunity for conflict here. I'm anxious to see how you'll handle all that, as well as to find out what the relationship of the current story is to the prologue.

Dr. Curly head was in 1 sentence a she & in the next 1 a he. Easily fixable, Drop an s in 1 or add it in the other & you're golden. & don't worry--that happens all the time. Giving the doc a name, especially if they're going to be a significant part of the story, will likely help.

"Behind them, windows that displayed the city behind them, pulsing to its own rhythm."
Double behind them.

"Delevigne stands right at the top of the table"
The top of the table is what folks put their stuff on. I'm thinking perhaps the head of the table might be a more accurate description?

"coiling her spine straight, "
Straightening her back, perhaps? But sitting upright already implies that, so it's rather redundant. Readers & editors tend to like sparser descriptions. Once you're done w/your 1st draft, you'll likely want to go back & consider how to shorten some of the description while still letting your readers know what we need to. We all do this, Emunah June--from newby writers to Steven King & James Patterson.

"She'll get rid of them -- eventually, after this meeting, where the possibilities felt like Goliaths in pastel blue gowns."
I'm unsure of your reference here, especially as it relates to blue gowns. I'd understand white coats, but I'm a bit confused w/this 1. Help me out, please.

The sentence that begins "the curly haired resident" needs some work. Again, in the last sentence "he" was a "she", but, more than that, I suspect "but open meeting Delevigne's gaze", should be upon meeting Delevigne's gaze".

Futher = further. sp.

Emunah June, this is all thoroughly fixable stuff, either now or when you go back to tighten things up in draft #2. It seems like a lot, but it isn't. & you'll probably find more than what I pointed out when you go back to edit. Whatever you do, continue your story & absolutely do not get discouraged.

[Emunah June.]

Hello there!

So I am not sure if its the same in every hospital, as I have only ever worked in ones in Mass, but all of the ER patients here wear pastel paper gowns, theyre these powder blues and extremely hard to miss! Thats what I meant by that line.

The rest, I so agree. I have soooo much editing to do, its insane, and I hope that it didnt take away from the overall experience. I appreciate you being so thoroughly honest with me, it helps me improve!!

[abletec]

Oh, ok. I know what you're referring to now. If you'd said paper gowns, I'd have understood.

Just get your story out. The 1st draft's supposed to be s****y. If the story's basically together, editing's just decorating the cake.

[Emunah June.]

And I hope to keep getting at it! My plan is to write it out, then gut it, change what needs to be changed, edit, all of that, and then bam!

[abletec]

YOU GO GIRL!!!

[abletec]

YOU GO GIRL!!!