MORE/LESS OF ME.

"quit being a brat."

woah.

they say serious things

can be said in jest,

but what's a jest

and what's a jab?

what do you mean

when sweet lips

( my harbinger of hope and harm! )

say such things?

am i infantile in my sorrows?

or childish in my despairs?

desperate for your peace?

making my own in your violence?

your hands have never struck me

but your words have made their mark,

a complicated cardiac arrest

in autumn eyes turned brutal summer.

"it's always something with you."

sure.

i am a complicated combination

of winter fire and spring heat,

overflowing eyes, crybaby outpour

but so much love in empty space.

anger and pain

with pleasure and passion,

crossed wires in grey matter

does it matter if the line's blurred?

i guess it does.

there's always something with me/

puzzles never solved and

paintings never finished. 

but those hands are not my own.

those walls i never built.

i know they exist

but i dont know how to get around.

i look to you for support

and peace in these winds,

but what do i do

when you've worn the wrong clothes?

i love you and i love this life.

but i hate who i am

and i hate that you're 

starting to hate it, too.

it's always something with me.

Author's Note

JayG reviews are not welcome on this piece.

Reviews

[---]

It takes time to work through these things - I'm reminded, here, of some of the arguments I've had with my own partner. I'll spare you the details, but there are some similarities, for sure.

What we've learned, is that our arguments - our proclivity towards losing patience with one another - often stem more from the pressures we feel from other parts of our lives than they do from the pressures we apply upon each other. Long work weeks (50-60 hrs apiece), high stress deadlines, a lack of sleep or physical pain, all have a tendency to turn small grievances into large ones, amplifying frictions that we'd otherwise be able to talk through were we both rested, or less frayed.

At bottom, we remember that our care for one another is a constant - that we work through what we need to and focus on the things we can control, first, before addressing the concerns we may have with one another.

Takes time, like I said, and I think it'd be more unusual in a new relationship were something like this not to happen. In every disagreement there's an opportunity to find resolution, and in every resolution there's growth as a couple. That's a healthy thing, even through the discomfort.

As for JayG, yeah, bit of a fuckstick that one. But what would life be without its a******s? Lol.

Hope there's some light in the tunnel for you soon - attrition can't last forever.

Cheers,

[Emunah June.]

Thank you so much for your review! I appreciate you taking the time to check in and leave such a thought out thought piece. How did you feel about the poem itself?

Yeah, things will be okay, I know they will be, but sorrow is nothing if not great inspiration for pieces that come directly from the heart!! I appreciate your encouragement!!

[---]

Oh, the work?

Stylistically, it's very elegant - musical, with the pacing you've chosen and your own very thoughtful, very deliberate language.

"your hands have never struck me
but your words have made their mark,
a complicated cardiac arrest
in autumn eyes turned brutal summer."

Objectively, there's some stunning verse there. And though I'm biased (I do this myself) I do like that you break stanzas with dialogue, or narration, before continuing back into prosody.

That's called intradiegetic layering, and you use it well here.

Tonally, though, it's very sad.

The author doesn't seem to believe in her own worth, and maybe needs others to recognize her value before she can cherish it, herself.

Tragic, that, though I don't think it's the fault of the author. : )

You've got great stuff, wouldn't be reading if it were otherwise.

Hope that cheers you up a bit

[TiffanyMarie15]

very very nice poem! You have talent

[LH Weiss]

The repetition is chilling. It works well at displaying your/the protagonist's feelings of contradiction and confusion. It’s clear to see that careful thought was put into this work. I liked it a lot.