Empty room

 

This empty room

hollow like an unleaded pencil

like a pillow with no stuffing

like my dreams

without you.

This empty life

like a ship sailing

on an ocean without sea

like a sky with all the stars

switched to nothing.

These empty eyes

like a forest with

only one tree

like a meadow that has

only soil and

no grass or flowers or

butterflies

This empty heart

like a river with

no fish or no

rocks to help it flow

its winding path

This empty room

lost in its own lonliness

no happy laughter

or love

no pictures of memories

nobody

just me.

Author's Note

This needs a little work but i think the idea is good!

Reviews

[Edward Carr]

The idea is indeed very good. I would not change anything to it except the last few lines. The similes you use are all original and strong and I like that the poem is almost all similes. "nobody/ just me." does not need to be stated as one can tell from the poem that the speaker of the poem is in the room alone, so it does need mentioned. "no pictures of memories." would be a much stronger ending in my opinion. Other than that I think this is a great poem.

[Windy]

I agree, the idea is good, I'm not sure where it needs so much work though. I love your "comparrisons" ie; pillow, no stuffing, pencil with no lead, sky with no stars etc.. I thought it flowed well too. It's sad but then that's not a bad thing either, at least not here! Good job emz ;)

[Lily1111]

"This empty room lost in its own lonliness" is such a great line that really conveys the essence of aloneness felt when reading this poem.

[Edmond Dantes]

i like your free verse! you are here by encourged to write more!!!! haha. go into a field naked & and run & write, lol, a little hard to accomplish, but i'm sure you'll manage!

[Ralphy]

Ah, I liked the poem and thought hard and deep about the emotions. The comparisons were fabulous although I thought about the ending and said...no she didn't I expected you to say...

This empty room

lost in its own lonliness

no happy laughter

or love

no pictures of memories

nobody

just me and my imagination

Nice write

[Ray Hamilton]

You must be writing about me
I think it is a wonderful write just the way it is
Thanks for sharing Ray { Not a Poet }

[WordMaster]

The idea and story line are wonderful and creative

It may need some work, but so did paintings by the master at first

Keep writing

[darkgurl]

I like it just the way it is, emotional write here. I can feel this.