About to break

seeing through

About to break

This wintry shiver

Runs down my spine
So cry me a river
With tears of mine.

My flesh is naked
No skin to shelter me
I can no longer make it
I can’t hide or flee.

You're about to break
I see through you
still standing and awake
in a shade of calm blue.

So please don’t hover
put your mind on the line
erase my pain forever
with your pale sunshine.

Author's Note

hey :]
its been a while for me since i wrote anything
Sooo what do you think?

Reviews

[Patches I'm not so new..]

hink this is kind of obtuse I see than don't see what you are saying but the rhyme scheme is nice

[Su' Nacnetaf]

Intersting writing, good work.

[Wicahpi]

I like it. Short and to the point.
Simple. Not bad at all.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I loved the concept behind this piece a lot, though I guess the structure can be improved. But, overall, it is a nice piece and I enjoyed it a lot :)

[Luke Masters]

Nice. I enjoyed this. Simple rhymes that flow well, nice and elegant. I thought this was beautiful.
Keep writing

[Lost, n'MT]

Very nice piece to read here. Very well written rhyme scheme and the the flow is excellently done. Glad to hear you are writing again, keep up the good work. --Broken Soul

[Sasha]

Great Poem! Loved the last stanza. good work.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

This is really good...I enjoyed reading this.
Great Job

[Tate Morgan]

This is intriguing It speaks volumes of your lifes human condition we are all a product of the times you just turned out better than the rest of us

[Clarisse Nanoit]

I like this one. I feel a little like the last two lines of this stanza:
"My flesh is naked
No skin to shelter me
I can no longer make it
I can’t hide or flee."
feel kinda forced. But I love the first two lines. The poem is a good one. I enjoyed.
KH