Starry eyed

The air glows with pastel hues

The way it always does when I’m with you

Star constellations glisten in our eyes

Upon them I wish we'd never meet our demise

But forever our souls be interlaced

as our fingers are

Interwoven like a tapestry

With a story, a smile, a tear in every thread

Into your heart, my tears like crystals I shall embed.

Reviews

[Unspoken poet]

Very nicely written, enjoayble

[Rynn]

I like how soft this piece was in relation to it's subject matter and the title. It's very tender, and the word choice is spot on. I didn't notice any cliche's or word phrases of any kind except for the last line. Tears are often referred to as crystallite. I would encourage a new, possibly abstract comparison in that line, to finish strong. Word placement/order is another thing I might encourage you to really think about. It reads really well as is, but I was thinking something like-

"The air glows in hue's of pastel" - just a thought!

It's short, like a fleeting moment. I enjoyed reading it very much. Thank you for posting! Write on -

-Rynn

[Ling Wawa]

Thank you for your review lovely!
very useful constructive criticism, I'm thankful for that. Glad you like it!