Broken

Broken

 

Smoke escaping from between her lips

Black tears streaming down her face

Wrist faced upwards towards the night sky

Dim stars merging into one another

Voices echoing in her mind

Is she good enough?

Will she ever be good enough?

She isn't. She never will be. 

It is best to end it now

Once and for all

Silence. 

Reviews

[vspjaguar]

I could feel the pain conveyed through the poem. A sad poem indeed, very well written.

[Verdant Cynic]

This is tragic, but very relatable. I'd recommend a one tweak, but his is just my personal preference and I'm not trying to nitpick and take over this work. I suggest removing the line "Will she ever be good enough?". It adds a bit of duplication, and messes with the pace.

Otherwise, keep it up!

[Sami Khalil]

"Dim stars merging into one another

Voices echoing in her mind

Is she good enough?

Will she ever be good enough?'

A splendid read and write ...Thank you for sharing...:)

She isn't. She never will be.

[Anushka]

Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[WestWriter]

As poignant as it is succinct. The first few lines are visually striking, vibrant yet dark. The canvas is saturated with layers of imagery that show more than the picture. In Broken, your narrator's emotions are laid bare. Tragic, but beautiful.

[Anushka]

Thank you for your review, really means a lot:)

[WestWriter]

You're welcome. :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Anushka

And so I turn to review one of your pieces.

And in so doing you worry me.

By my standards this may be a brief but nonetheless meaningful review.

Let's skip past the structure of the poem quickly:

In its form, even if you watch the shape of the lines, it is easy to see how they become shorter and shorter. They start with six words and simply end in one - silence.

You finally reduce yourself to nothingness or 'Le Neant' as Jean-Paul Sartre put it.

In your first line I see you to use the notion perhaps of smoking or the mist from your mouth on a cold day as a metaphor for the last breath of the dying:

'Smoke escaping from between her lips'

You then add poignancy to the piece in your tears:

'Black tears streaming down her face'

But then I hit the essential line, where my concern grows because I have seen it too often in my life in others who have mental health or other difficulties:

'Wrist faced upwards towards the night sky'

The world of self-harm.

I have witnessed it in the mental hospitals where I have been resident three times as an inpatient.

Some regard self-harm as attention seeking? Nope!

Some regard self-harm in much the same way as attempted suicide as a cry for help? Maybe!

Some regard self-harm as a way of displacing the pain of anguish in the head with physical pain? Absolutely!

Those who use razor blades to cut the inside of their arms.

Those who take a knife blade, heat it over a gas flame and then apply it to their inner arm all the way up an down to burn themselves.

There are those who use ointment to increase the pain in their arms after.

A young woman who poured petrol over herself and struck a match.

A young man who every day exited the hospital I was in to but over the counter ills in an effort to overdose and die.

I have seen it all!

Stop and listen to your own questions that follow:

'Is she good enough?
Will she ever be good enough?'

Good question but what follows is the wrong answer:

'She isn't. She never will be.'

Do not judge yourself so harshly.

Listen to my words very carefully:

'Perhaps the only perfection we may strive for in life is in the acceptance of our own and others imperfections'.

Read my 'Dear God' on here for my God, your God, anyone's or even the Godless.

A God does not judge. He / she made us after all.

Why judge your own creation anymore than a mother her child?

Your conclusion?

'It is best to end it now
Once and for all
Silence.'

Wrong answer to a valid question.

Read my poem 'Acute' on here to see why you should never give up.

Our salvation lies in our extraversion and not in our introspection.

I should know.

To help you help yourself, let me just impart to you my own words of advice.

'Think more about others and less on yourself'.

It is a good remedy to despair and if you read 'Acute' you will see that there is much to despair over.

There is always a route out in hope whatever our circumstances may be.

Listen to the gentle breeze of my words and relax.

It is not all over however hard times may be.

Life has just begun.

All endings are the beginning of something new.

My review.

My personal reaction as one reader to a writer.

However well written and it is, it also concerns me.

Take heart!

Breathe deep!

Look the world straight in the eye!

And smile in the teeth of the gale!

Your friend



James Hanna-Magill

[Anushka]

Thank you so much for your review and for your concern. This work whilst from within is not an indication of suicide. Well I mean it is, but it isn't me who wishes to do so. Thank you so so much for your concern once again

[James Hanna-Magill]

Relieved! Your friend, James

[Talal Hussain]

Amazing composition...loved it :-)

[Anushka]

Thank you so much:)