a lighter sentence

a lighter sentence

 

 

you spat your feelings

at me, like i was your spittoon 

but as some of them missed

the grass turned darkly beleaguered

 

my bare perceptions curled

towards another,

where blades of faith

leaned in a soft heart's direction

 

-----------------

 

while you were ticketed

for your tirade----

a misdemeanor

of ill mannered love

 

i found comfort

in another's sun.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/1/15

Reviews

[Emily B]

an excellent piece of work felt deeply

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Emily,.

j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

checked out your page...am hoping to see some new work from you, soon.

j.

[Emily B]

Hopefully soon :)

[W.k.kortas]

You do certainly know how to turn a phrase--"a misdemeanor/ of ill mannered love" packs a whole lot into a little space. Ditto for the grass becoming "darkly beleaguered"; for a mere thirteen lines, this piece does a whole lot of heavy lifting.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, W.k.

j.

[Terpsichore]

Like parole, such comfort can be temporary or permanent; and time off for good behaviour 'aint always guaranteed.

Genuinely enjoyed, as I ever do. T.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Terpsichore...

j.

[rubie]

there is always hope for "grass turned darkly beleaguered" with the healing powers of the new day's sun....

expertly done metaphor, as always.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, rubie.
j.

[andrew mitchell]

a lovely metaphor J. You are a master! Replacing a love not reciprocated for an appreciative love where you are adored! Seems fair!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, andrew.

j.

[Penlady]

I agree with Andrew...a lovely happily ever after....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, penlady...

[Desert Knave]

" ... where blades of faith leaned in a soft heart's direction ..." My fave lines is a wonderful little piece that really reminded me of a little episode in my past. Excellent. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Jim---

j.