Break of Day

Break of Day

unacceptable---

my heart in mourning of you,

i need an evening

erin-cilberto

2/23/16

Reviews

[iand63]

succint and poignant J....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are kind in your visits to my work, ian.

thank you...
j.

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

sometimes alone time is needed for the sake of relaxation. nice haiku

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Sprint.

[Jon Roggie]

Never enough. Refuse to settle.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jon.

j.

[Corset]

you are on a roll, this could be rolled with in several different ways, the flip on morning as mourning, nice, and evening could be taken several ways too, a night on the town, or "just one night, gimme just one more night "Phil Collins" is what I'm hearing though, lol.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love that song...and thanks for your insights on this piece, Corset.

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

A senyru that says so much, Jacob. I saw the word "evening" the same way as Dan did....as if you need to be balanced...evened out. Mornings are not easy for those with a broken heart...then again neither are evenings. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Lydi...

j.

[dan]

jacob, is this piece a haiku or senryu? I get the two mixed up. Anyway....
It seems as if it is about a mishap in a love relationship, causing a rift. Now here's where I get weird (I'm so damn good at it though!) The way you manipulate words so well I looked at the word evening and thought of its double meaning: 'evening' meaning just before nightfall, or 'evening' meaning making two sides equal. "Making things even..." could pertain to making the relationship whole again? Just a shot in the dark.
Stellar write, sir. take care...dan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

haiku deals strictly with nature...senryu same form but usually deals with about anything else...i like your idea of balancing...the sadness with the happiness...thank you for your words, my friend.

j.

[Érenn]

This is a little different, is this what you call a senryu? I don't know because I am weak when it comes to technicality. But as far as what I interpreted, a bad day at the office or in the dept. of love. A day of regret and not enough time to think and introspect. Just wishing things were a little different. Maybe wishing at least you were given that needed time, to get over that something. Thank you for sharing ^^

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it's a senryu...and thank you for your insights on this poem...much appreciated.
j.

[andrew mitchell]

For me this lovely piece had a few angles and I settled for two, the day came too early, the evening wasn't long enough or you missed the day and you needed a evening to mourn a good day passing but then the day did come back! lol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like this...thank you for your words and interpretive thoughts, andrew.

[NeiL ArandA]

Senryu = perhaps if someone is having a bad day and it needs a break. He just need an evening for retreat or reprieve or just to get away.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

maybe a reprieve..ah yes, perhaps...thank you, Neil...

j.

[V]

Short but strongly expressive (as always). You added some perfect lines. Thank you for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Vanessa.

j.