the burning blue

the burning blue

 

 

 

drank in your philanthropic love

like an overeager child on Christmas morn’

 

clear water harmony

turned

back-draft indifference

ripples of remiss

muddied truffles

 

 

then you moved on

and i was left 

forever unwrapping your gift

 

choking on the stagnant remains

of a heart you gave, then withdrew

so freely,

i drowned in my own

seared pool of gratitude. 

 

 

erin-cilberto

3/5/16

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

lots of goodies in this emotive poem .. i think lines 3-5 of the second verse are incredible .. i feel the blast and "muddied truffles" ... what can be more wrong than that! and your closing two lines completely breaks me ... bad enough to love too much let alone be seared by my own pitiable state of "gratitude" ...another fine read for me sir! tho heart wrenching X10
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, E.

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

How can someone you give your heart to be so callous? It's a question we have all asked ourselves at one time or another. " then you moved on and i was left forever unwrapping your gift " What a great line! Some gifts are better left ungiven if you ask me. So very emotive. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Lydi...

j.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I was just a heartless witch....never thinking I was withdrawing heart...because mine was broken. So willing you were to offer me the world and I only wanted to steal the beating of you heart until it skipped.....sigh....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Queenie...

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

The heart given freely, and then withdrawn harshly -- an end to love.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, KL

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Classic Jacob! You can wonder around words, go up and down isles of gracious beauty and place tragedy in its lofty archives.

Great write!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Al.

j.

[V]

Awesome images and words again. I also really like the title. The topic is hurting, I can feel it through your lines. I can relate to your writings; what they offer, so often.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i appreciate that you can feel them, Vanessa...it is what any poet could hope for...

j.

[V]

Yes that is so true.

[alanwgraham]

I like this one. This is worse than unrequited love - you have it and then its gone! I can totally identify with this and it hurts a lot and for a long time!
Alan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Alan.

j.

[highonwords]

wow - this poem tastes like watered-down love - i like the third and fourth stanzas best - especially 'i drowned in my own seared pool of gratitude' - oh, and 'clear water harmony' in the second stanza - very nice, jacob!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Steph...

j.

[highonwords]

you're welcome, jacob :)

[Érenn]

Definitely one of your darker writes. Yeah it's more dark than painful for me. Just wondering here, is something frustrating you in the recent times? I can sense anger and bitterness throughout these words and even a few of your other writes, I am not sure why though. The message is clearly portrayed no doubt about that. Thank you for sharing

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Errenn...

j.

[m.s.early]

This is heavy and direct. Really great lines

especially "i was left
forever unwrapping your gift"

and
"i drowned in my own
seared pool of gratitude. "

I love the articulation

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review....i struggled with this one to get it even close to acceptable...read morethank you for your kind review....i struggled with this one to get it even close to acceptable...

j.