under the surface i am still smiling

under the surface i am still smiling

 

 

quicksand heart

sinking in you, with you, and for you

 

don't offer me a branch to hold onto

i'd rather go down holding you

 

don't mind my gurgling as i go under

it's just love songs coming from murky lips

a kind of swan-dive melody of sorts

 

when i am completely gone

i will always be holding you

even if my dreams are submerged

 

 

in long ago embrace.

 

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/3/16

Reviews

[Zugzwang]

So sad to still be loving someone long after the embrace has fled. But it's human nature, isn't it? And I think we all live with feelings like this sometimes. Wonderful poem.
z..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for your kind review, Z.

j.

[Pete]

Excellent. "quicksand heart sinking in you, with you, and for you" - great lines

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Pete,

j.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

A heart-touching poem, sir. Your comparison of your heart with a quicksand is fabulous and it also captures the imagination of the reader. Pretty good use of repetition. The emotions are brought alive and enchant the reader. I am glad to read your poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review...
j.

[Lyn Anderson]

This so beautifully, and sadly, describes that feeling of drowning in another, and being unable to let go, even though that's what we should do --

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, KL...

j.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I could have written this poem. Sadly, I didn't; and I ache knowing someone else has felt this pang. Beautiful!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your empathy...and kind words...different experiences, i am sure, went into where these words came from.

j.

[barleygirl]

This is one of my favorite poems of yours, that I've read so far. I love the startling freshness of the word picture you're painting. I can see & feel every bit of it, even tho the concept is imaginary, it's so real to life, too. I love the analogy of how we can feel when drowning in sensations of lost love, not wanting to catch a breath of life, but wanting to wallow in the misery, becuz that is where the beloved can be found.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, barleygirl...

j.

[Bacchus]

quicksand an a tornado- you are in trouble, dear friend!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, if only it were true in reality...not just on the page...

thank you, Bacchus..read moreyes, if only it were true in reality...not just on the page...

thank you, Bacchus..

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

You have creatively expressed how love should be, all consuming... another nice one Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Dale.

j.

[...]

THIS is deep poetic drunkenness! I LOVE how you say,"f**k it, I'm going under"!! Am I the only one that finds this sexy? hahaha Sweet!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you lynn...:))))

[Nisreen]

The words of a hopeless romantic
Never minding if things are tanking
You still hold on
That is gorgeous

[jacob erin-cilberto]

probably hung on too often..:))))

thank you for your words, my friend.

j.