Polar Eclipse

Polar Eclipse


i want to write you with warm sentiment
but
my ink freezes with my heart
as the words icicle to pages
bleak white,
like the slush of an old snow

and you smile
with frigid pupils,
that don't learn,
only judge

and become colder with each wink
that draws another close.


erin-cilberto
4/13/16

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

There is a reason birds fly south for the winter ... love the use of icicle as a verb ... high sense value on that.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Pryde...
j.

[DIVYA]

Like the warm breathe that freezes as it escapes into the freezing cold, it intends to be warm and gentle but can't help turning to ice in the midst of the deadening frost. Some people kill the warmth in us. Beautifully written...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, yes they do , don't they?
thank you for your words, DIVYA...

j.

[DIVYA]

You are most welcome jacob...

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

A good poem, sir. Your lines give rise to imagery, and the mind gets captured by what you have written. And, the choice of words is pretty nice too. Keep writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Vatsal...

j.

[Stonz P.]

'i want to write you with warm sentiment'
. . . .
'and become colder with each wink'

a brilliant contrast with the opening line. I believe it shows what is the 'polar eclipse' referring to.
Reading your works are sheer revelations. I wish I could be more active on the site.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Stonz...
j.

[Shabeeh Haider]

"warm sentiment", "frozen ink", "words icicles", you have a way with words. Its wonderful.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Shabeeh...appreciate your words,
j.

[fergul]

You've got a handle on the metaphor game alright.

Nice. Fergul

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Fergul.

j.

[Nisreen]

It's hard to love someone that is too involved in judging
You know what they say
You either judge or love .... you can't do both at the same time !!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that is true, you cannot do both...
thank you for your insightful words, Nisreen.

read morethat is true, you cannot do both...
thank you for your insightful words, Nisreen.

j.

[James]

I keep thinking "can't say something nice then..." How to find something kind to say about someone who burned us badly. We still have warm feelings, but just can't get over the hurt.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, hard to get around some feelings..especially with so much good history involved...
thank you for your words,
j.

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

Sounds like a relationship best not revisited...sigh
I wonder who is judging who..or is it whom ..lol
Some lure with a wink ... and some follow, at will ..
I feel the chill .. and am sad at the ending ..

Well done......as usual...

Jazz

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, who is judging whom is what it would be...i appreciate your insightful reviews, Jazz...

so nice to see you...

j.

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

You are welcome.......... Good to read you.. and I am happy I am able to be back ..... Jazz

[Desert Knave]

My first thought, as a bipolar person, is how wonderfully you show the contrast between warm intent and chilly reality. Too many people "don't learn , only judge". Nice write. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Jim.

j.