looking out at the fireworks

looking out at the fireworks

 

 

bombs are bursting in air

my windows are shaking

the looking glass me

independent

 

didn't win it though,

it just came by express mail,

papers to sign

a white flag to wave

 

i surrendered to your love

then surrendered from it

 

now the bombs feel closer

but i feel further away

from you.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/4/16

Reviews

[Mehameha]

Exactly how life goes. So many thoughts and activity around at all times and you have put them beautifully in one short prose. (If that is the correct term). And then there were fireworks on top of everything else. Great piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it's actually poetry--prose is what we find in novels, short stories, essays etc...paragraphs...
read moreit's actually poetry--prose is what we find in novels, short stories, essays etc...paragraphs...

thank you for your kind words...

j.

[Mehameha]

I was such a poor composition student in high school and college. I just didn't like to sit still and read let alone write something. I really need a refresher and glad I have a real teacher. I love words now as my body is shot. I must apologize for my ignorance in things I was too lazy to learn. I could spend all day here but too much of anything is not healthy they say. Thank you for the clarification. I just like that you used fireworks to provide the contrast of celebration, freedom, when it may not be all we want or expect, yet it is here, booming in so to speak. Surrender is freedom, but is it a victory, with fireworks? Maybe. That is what is happening here I believe. Yes I will read more. Thank you.

[V]

Two different images and thoughts put together nicely and effortlessly. The things that make our identity and raise our will to over think seem to be compounded with bits of our most intimate feelings; a fleeting thought of a bygone love when observing the hues of patriotism, this one is written in parallel poetic expressions, so to speak.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Vanessa, for your kind review.

j.

[Carolynn]

I love your lines "I surrendered to your love then surrendered from it" well said and true in any divorce - I enjoyed this one :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, my friend...:)))

[andrew mitchell]

you're part of the revolution now, divorce papers , fireworks celebrating 4th of july and a taste for freedom on everyone's lips.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, andrew...appreciate your insights.

j.

[Pryde Foltz]

In Taoist terms ... the master lets things come ... she lets things go. But there is no promise that this will prevent suffering, only lessen it. Poignant piece, Jacob:)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Pryde.

j.

[Darian B.]

Man thats rough... independence yes, but independent from what is the question. Perhaps there is an air of independence in divorce but if you still love her, and this poem suggests you really do, then what is lost outweighs what is gained. "Lest we forget, Freedom is never free." A lot of emotion in this piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Darian.

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

Now for me that would have been a double party. I kind of felt like I won the lottery when it was official. But people are allowed to feel a certain sadness at their sudden independence. Wonderful poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i hear ya, KL...

thank you,

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Divorce papers arriving on Independence Day...there is poetic justice in there somewhere. Great metaphor. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Lydi..

j.