it's a Mississippi Flow

thank you to Margie for the first line...she used that phrase in a review, and as soon as i read that out loud...a poem followed.

it's a Mississippi Flow

 

 

punctuation noise

my ears are burning with flaming commas

stone cold periods

and partly finished semi-colons

which need to be removed

 

surgical procedures semantically awkward

dead doctors with question mark hands

shaking

dashing from the operating room

hyphenating their lives

with contractions

 

pregnant pauses of preliminary diagnosis

dead doctors with accent marks

for fingers

trying to sew up sentences

 

post surgery

using one of those 

damn Oxford commas

 

while their Oxford shoes

are scuffed with fragments

of blank verse

 

much like their minds.

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/13/2020

Reviews

[AJNJ]

I love the treatment you gave punctuation in this superbly written poem. They seem like noise a lot of times and just in the way when one is in a hurry to get a point across. Something too surgical and cut with precision perhaps has little charm left. I really like the reference to Oxford perfection. It's very apt.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ah yes, often we just want to get out of that operating room and express.
thank you AJNJ,
read moreah yes, often we just want to get out of that operating room and express.
thank you AJNJ,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I have to look up Oxford comma. I looked at the punctuation in your lines Jacob, and there was none. I also know that I don't use much either, although an occasional comma does make an appearance. I say if you are going to use it, make sure it is used correctly, otherwise better not to use it at all. I started to think about the grammar police. You know my English teacher would be horrified at the butchering of punctuation. I can see her red pen, circling the bits that require surgical removal. I looked at your title, inspired by Margie and thought, yep with poetry, it's all in the flow. It has to move well from start to finish. That's where you took me.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Chris,
j.

[Tania Mo]

I don't know punctuation so well but I still want to write.Is that a crime lol. I like the way you elaborate this thing so coolly.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no crime at all, and the bail is cheap as well...
thank you, Tania,
j.

[Light and ashes]

Very nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Light.
j.

[Light and ashes]

You're welcome!

[barleygirl]

I've been aware you dislike excessive punctuation but now we see the depths of your aversion! I'm amazed at how your mind works, taking that one phrase & getting ALL THIS! Upon first perusal, your wordplay on the various terms of punctuation, so off-the-charts, I don't notice a message. Second time, I'm thinking: this could be a spoof on how we humans tend to slice & dice, rather than build up (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it is like that, yes....and thank you for sharing that line with me...you were responsible for this...
It's also a little poke at Faulkner...and his excessive use of stream of consciousness prose...no punctuation...that drives me just as "crazier"!
you are such a delight, Margie...this place would be in the doldrums if you weren't part of it.
j.

[barleygirl]

I'm honored *smile* . . . Thanks so much!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am seeing the river flow, strong, steady and relentless as the pages posted with varying punctuation styles, or lack of, might require 'surgical' intervention. For a brain surgeon such as yourself Jacob we must all be seen as potential victims, sorry! patients lol. Oxford has a lot to answer for. As always a poem teeming with meaning in metaphor.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, John,
have a good day, my friend.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

ouch! like the disciples of Jesus said around the table .... "Is it I?" ;) very relatable allegory throughout .. the processes of writing for those surgically inclined and punctuation poor .... "Is it I?" :)) ... had to look up Oxford comma .. so many rules .. what punctuation i did have .. is thrown into an uproar :))) the covid has certainly produced a lot of "pregnant pauses" and "preliminary diagnosis" ... coming up blank we hear best guesses ... its become a world wide horror ..i think this is a poet's poem .. and for me a bit of a social statement .. hmmmmmmmm the title "The Mississippi Flow" in stark contrast either way ... its slow and easy flow .. wide banks ... muddy water is a favorite place of mine .. there are Eagles that gather in late fall and winter along it's banks in Wisconsin and Illinois especially .. stinging lines punctuate, pierce, and probe says i (did you catch me Oxford comma?) ;))))))))))))))))))))))
E.
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, me caught it, sir.
thank you for your kind review.
j.