Two Senryu

#1--Spill

 

senryu coffee

sugar soliloquy shapes

the darkening mood

 

#2- Spill

 

short piece, short temper

gaunt peace evaluated

snow white fusion fits

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

2/7/2021

Reviews

[danielle.]

These little poems have me so intrigued!
The first made me smile. We could all use a sugar soliloquy sometimes.
I’d love to know the story of the second, it has me guessing but the theme is definitely less cheering...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, elle,
j.

[Haley]

Two great verses that stand alone while also working together to give you an even better story. I liked both pieces and thought the flow and readability was great, easy to get captured into your words. Great job!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Haley...I don't do form much, if ever...but when I do, senryu or haiku i find a nice challenge, although I am not so good at them...
so I appreciate your kind words.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i especially like L2 in the first one ... i talk out loud to myself, my good dog Beau and the TV .. my own soliloquy to the emptiness .. a vain attempt to fill them; but, like sugar, they quickly dissolve. "#2-Spill" brings up the image of a poet; sitting at his desk or in his writing chair. kind of like the picture of Eric Enstrom's "Grace Man Praying...." .. only this guy is kind of ripping his own writing .. and coming up with nothing but snow white .. in sheet form .. lots of things a reading of these can bring to mind
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for getting something out of these, my friend.
j.

[Lorry]

I think I may be reading me into this Jacob, but both being called spill got my attention, like the silly o'clock am feel of not quite being fully awake, as I gaze out my kitchen window at the whiteout, reach for coffee cup and clatter knuckles against mug, spilling contents to add to the sugar I hadn't even noticed didn't find the cup.
Although to be honest, couldn't help but think of Grumpy pissing off snow White on the last one 😊

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Grumpy pissing off Snow White...she ain't so pure any more...neither is the snow.
thank you for visiting these two little children of mine.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words and thoughts Jacob. I liked both of them. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Coyote,
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Jacob.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I love both of these. Both have me a chuckle.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Cowboy,
j.