Suggestion Box II

Suggestion Box II

 

 

I just reread your poem,

you didn't change it like I told you

 

this still reads like you wrote it

I am baffled at your unwillingness to change

 

yourself, transform yourself into the poet I am.

 

 

You think your own words matter,

but they are just pitiful children you raised incorrectly

their metaphors are inane, infantile

their rhymes aren't even fit for recess at the school

 

Have you not learned poet parenting at all

from what I have told you?

 

Edit 

Edit 

Edit

 

a metamorphosis is in order

change your tomatoes to onion

 

oops, Plath said "my thumb instead of the onion/ look at

 

all those redcoats running from the cut"

 

Sylvia, please don't interfere,

I am giving a lesson here.

 

I just reread your poem

a masterpiece it is not,

touched me not a bit

too much heart not enough form

too many little words

not enough Pretentious parlay

 

oh, to hell with it,

I will just sit here and nurse my cup of tea

and frown at your lack of understanding

of what real poetry is,

 

and then smile at your irrelevance.

 

 

erin-cilberto

12/8/21

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Now I know who made Sylvia stick her head in the oven.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Uh oh, I am in deep trouble.

[Chris]

Chuckling here...

I've experienced "teachers" that are STILL that way - so I guess from the aptness of your depiction ...so have you. I'd set an apple on your desk - a Honey Crisp - but you would probably take a bite.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I just might, Chris...just might.

[Patricia]

Oh no! Poor Sylvia! Well, someone had to tell her. I never worry if my writing is relevant, don’t care ;) in fact I can say that about pretty much everything at this age, I earned the write, I mean right. I love this, so different from you and that is a wonderful surprise! Bravo!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thanks, Patricia...
j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Oh wow! You just told someone off so well. "smile at your irrelevance" Oh yea, some of the "poets" on line think they are the Siskel and Ebert of poetry. Pretentious and arrogant and totally irrelevant is what they are! Loved this....it is empowering! Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Lydi,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

Wow!!! You are full of Buttercups and and baby Pups… but It makes my Day seem full of Play… dearest Jungle Lion… Parlay…. Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you rhymer you! Thank you, Pat,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

Just woke up early and listened to Rid Stewart singing Rick n Roll Christmas Songs in his Cincert in a Castle in Scotland… his Ancestry I Believe… hope you can call it up on U-tube… quite the Fountain of Youth is parlayed. Wishing you a Wonderful Christmas and New Year… Be Safe and Well. Gently, Pat