First Draft

First Draft

 

 

I refuse to revise my life

others want to edit 

cut and paste

but I am the essay

bound for my own conclusion,

assembling my own constructs

 

of faith, of love

of dismantling my sentences

construing parsed semantics

into each breath

 

they get shallower

yet, brief with wisdom

that finds its way

into that aged cave

where I am caught spelunking

for new lines to write

 

the cave becomes a maze of dementia

my poems get lost

in some crazy correction

 

I am the poem, the life

and I will delete it

before allowing the red pen

 

to touch it.

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/7/22

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Agreed. Let the pen wielders and other critics splash all the red ink they want. If they don't like the first draft, let them eat crow when the sequel comes out.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we have to faith that what we write is significant to some...maybe more than that...but nevertheless, it is what we write...I always love the line in Finding Forrester when William talks about how "Someone would tear down in a minute what they couldn't write in a lifetime"
and that is often the case.
thank you, John,
j.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

No space for red besides to show the love of your beautiful heart feeling everything so deeply playing out the most beautiful play of life that we ourselves direct 🌹sometimes direction is difficult but the heart never lies , your edits are yours to make to live and learn and never to regret 🌹for what are mistakes but that of stepping stones to success and growth 🌹

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Your reply is so poetic and better than the poem itself...thank you, Kelly,
j.

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Oh no never but bless your heart and may there be many more of your wonderful poems to come 🌹

[Patricia Wedel]

We are in charge of our own Freedom to write our Poems with a Pen dipped in Love and Tragedy… as high as an Eagle flies and explore the depths of a Cave where Bats appear over a Lake of Propriety. Amazing Poetry … Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think I want to go to the place you describe with just a manual typewriter and what is left of my sanity,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

Sanity is derived from Sanitary these days… it is Insane to let everything and every person Cross our Borders. We need Leaders who are reasonable and “Sane” Individuals.
Mountaintops have more “Light” to think and Compose the 🎶 Music 🎼 that inspires a Tablet with Commandments. gently, Pat

[andrew mitchell]

Couldn't help think of controlling one's destiny while dementia takes bites out of your apple. A fine write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful comment, andrew, and it is good to see you again,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Hit with covid for a while, J. Very chesty, congestion like having a cramp on the lungs.