nothing metaphoric

nothing metaphoric

 

 

a very slow moment

you turned

I recognized

something about you

 

and my heart 

rediscovered the pain

but I couldn't remember

your name

 

or chose

not to.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/7/22

Reviews

[red93]

Very interesting Piece and nicely worded and phrased. A moment in time frozen like an old photograph. Excellent
✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, red,
j.

[Ken e Bujold]

makes me think of eco, and the time speak on mastering the significance of signifiers. What lurks inside a name, other than what we wish to give it. Not even recognition of the individual it would seem, Enjoyed this poem alot.

Ken

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Ken,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

It is amazing how humans associate certain feelings with names or symbols. We all seek to identify things or give them perspective, meaning, purpose.
Your poem sir Jacob spoke volumes..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Sami...sometimes I just try to identify who I am...no luck yet.
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Hehehe! Me too. You are welcome sir.

[Chris Shaw]

Even the mention of a name at times can be too much, whether in slow motion, in real time or at speed. Best not go there or the heart will take a hit.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

spot on, Chris...spot on.
j.

[softlyfall]

The first stanza is deceptively lulling, almost like watching a tree fall in slow motion. I think you might consider leaving out "and" in S2L1... the stanza break is enough to cause one to pause and since we are all set up for the other shoe to fall, it seems almost redundant.
Am I allowed to say that? I would never want to be harsh or mean. If it is not rude to offer critique, then I would add the subjective personal pronoun in S3. In my ear, it almost reads like a query this way.
There is a great deal of psychology in your poem as though you are a keen observer of the human race.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate the suggestions....and looking back...I may eliminate the "and"---I always feel less is more...
as for the third stanza...it is a query...
but not the least bit rude...especially how you approach...thank you.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

tried it...but even with the break...leaving it out disturbed the rhythm for me...so I reinserted the "and"---but not in defiance of your suggestion...just because I want that beat in there.
but again...please always feel free with suggestions...I appreciate that you read so closely.
j.

[softlyfall]

Oh good, because anything I suggest will be with respect

[andrew mitchell]

Haha love it. Nothing worse than bumping into your ex if it wasn’t memorable. Nicely written J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate you, andrew.
thanks,
j.