Punch line

Punch line

 

 

the inside joke

is creeping within your skin

trying to surface

 

you could be so gorgeous

without the pretense

already surfaced

 

honest lovers

have withered away

before you

 

they were your last laugh

but the humor was lost

on their last breath

 

you could be so gorgeous

if you weren't 

well, you.

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/6/25

Reviews

[redd Brick Keshner]

What struck me here is the tension between beauty and pretense.
The “inside joke” feels less like humor and more like irony;
that the very thing hiding beneath the surface is what could make someone radiant,
if only they let it through. The repetition of “you could be so gorgeous”
reads like both admiration and lament, as if the speaker sees potential that keeps slipping away.
The final line lands like a sting: the tragedy that the mask and the self have become indistinguishable.
top marks, j. 🕊️🙏
Freds.

[Ms claws]

Brick! That's a perfect review! Nice photo!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I appreciate your insightful review, Freds.
j.

[Relic]

Sometimes people carry baggage. To recognize the patterns brings wisdom.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

My baggage is heavy enough, but I don't know if what is inside is all that smart.
j.

[Degare]

I think I am more interested in the lover that doesn't speak.
Is it not true that words have embered each other, that they have become almost cannibal. Engulf and posses
The inner joke is now the object of effervesence, air bleaching whatever that has inundated with corporeal temptations.John Cage and his obsession with silence, or noise rock even, just to escape the rot of irony.
Hints of Barthes too

Very insightful Jacob. This one had philosophical impulses and poetic grace which is hard to achieve in my opinion

Degare

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Degare.
j.

[redzone]

we are what we are, what we choose to be. and this depends on how we see the world and how we react to it. I think I recently read a quote from Jane Goodall that went something like: (paraphrase) "what we do makes a difference. We alone decide what that difference is or will be." It is a shame that some people are, "well, you" (them) when they could be more.
-Curt

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like your insights here, Curt. Thank you for laying them upon my poem.
j.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Dark, poignant and like an arrow you watch someone next to you take. Still such a craftsman! Great write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Travis.
j.

[Zoe Richardson]

Oh my! That last line packs a wallop! I feel that pain, so in consolation I can only add that if we are to be poets we must have tortured souls. Suffering fuels creativity. As a survivor of toxic relationships I can assure you that there will be better days!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

And it is much easier to write pain than happy.
Thanks for your words.
j.

[John the Baptist]

This seems to be about a love 'em and leave 'em type. The males are the most notorious, but they come in both genders. The speaker has enough of a survival instinct to avoid this one, but the attraction is still there.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, John.
j.

[Chris Shaw]

There is certainly a little bit of a punch in that final line j. I felt sadness here on reading, sadness that someone’s full potential is not being achieved. If only that radiance was allowed to shine, allowed to break through, but there is a warning here. A definite warning.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Spot on, Chris...thank you for your theory of this piece.
j.

[Ms claws]

Actually, Jacob, I agree with everything Brick said. "the inside joke" feels ironic, not really like a joke. I detect sarcasm throughout ... and maybe even a little sadness.
It's a great Write.
Thanks for posting another of your beauties!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review. Boo.
j.

[Ken Simm.]

The ironic wit here is, how did you put it? So special.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Ken.
j.