Sober Wait

Sober Wait
by Erin L George

 

She waits for him
to return from not-a-date
with a girl he calls
just-a-friend.

 

She waits for him
to ask her the one thing
that would make dinner
and drinks
with an-old-friend
seem insignificant.

 

It won't be long,
she tells herself,
thumbing through a magazine
with brides on every page.

 

She waits for him
trusting he'll do as he's said.
She puts money on it -
ignoring as they
throw money against -
while he pays
for the other girl's
drink.

 

He missed poker night
for this:
King-of-Queens,
Ace-of-Spades.
Home, alone
she waits for him
to sober up.

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

Bwahaha, you conniving woman, you.

This is not your strongest piece; maybe it's because I'm male, but I kind of coasted through it. Like the last one of yours I reviewed, though, it makes up for it in being extremely clever. It's very rare that I see someone puts wit into their poetry, and you have it in spades. Whether I'm more amused because it's four in the morning is up to you.

I'm not going to comment on the content; I'll let other people have unedited fun with your use of the English language, but what I will talk about is something that didn't quite work. The second last stanza doesn't quite jive (yeah, I just used the word jive seriously in a sentence) with the rest of it. It starts out the same, but then as soon as you hit the third line, it's immediately obvious that it's different from the others.

The final stanza is also different, obviously, but it works the way it is. The other just doesn't. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I'd consider revision. Start with the ending. Ending on a single word was what made me go back and reread to try and make it fit in the first place.