Tickory Tickory Tock, The Doc Forgot To Knock

Open my box, dear adversary, and assess its contents.

Scribble the imperfections in your crude clipboard and vomit them out to all, like a nauseous choirmaster. You are sick, not I.

 

This room, pure white (save the blue bruise of your presence),

is my afterlife. When you are here, you interrupt it like a cough in a funeral, a man spilling his mouthy bucket of phlegm everywhere he speaks. When you leave, I am alone with the loud tolls of the clock on the wall sending quaking tremors through my ears as I lay, waiting for your slimy hand to grip my door and enter again.

 

But how I love the scent of the ladies entering my room, wheeling in their gorgeous goblets of heaven and wielding syringes like tiny swords. Each day they fill my body with needles. I am their happy pincushion. The swords bring me pleasure no lover can, as I drift in space and float to the time kept by that clanging clock: 

tick-tock

tick-tock

tick-tock

Until the loud knock of my enemy wakes me again.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews would be appreciated :)

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I'm 61 & I've only been in the hospital twice, but the last time was 4 years ago & I still remember vividly. You've captured it so well here. I've always wanted to write about that last horrible experience (2 weeks!) but I didn't want to come off like a whiner. In this piece, you've taken it completely out of the realm of complaining, but rather focusing on very outrageously-stated aspects of a hospital stay. There seems to be a little flip-flopping over whether this narrator is in the hospital or in heaven, but I don't think heaven would be this irritating. The title is clever & catchy. Parenthetical phrase, firstline/second paragraph = brilliantly-stated.

[Ethan]

Thank you very much :))

[Mr.Writer]

The powerful, strong ending...
I was blown away by this Ethan!
A thought provoking, engaging fantastic poem!
Maybe the tick tock font size could increase each time or be bold to show emphasis :)
Overall, well done Ethan!

[Ethan]

Thank for your review, and I'm not trying to make the ticks seem louder, in fact, they should be calming to the chracter.

[Ethan]

*character

[Mr.Writer]

Ohh, gotcha
No problem! :)

[duff]

I'm digging this. Sinister and dark. Syringes and the after life cared for by the ladies. The clock ticking until the bell tolls. Nice work Ethan. I enjoyed it.

[Ethan]

Thank you duff :)

[duff]

You bet Ethan.

[Raven Moonchild]

(applauds) Ethan, you've outdone yourself, mate!!! :D Absolutely brilliant!!!

[Ethan]

Thank you Raven :)