In the Alley

This is not simply about a dead body but is meant to be a depiction of how society can walk past itself without noticing the grotesque atrocities that surround us all.

In the alley, there the body lay dead,

Decapitated, it lay without a head,

Motionless it laid covered in dirt,

Nameless, shapeless, thoughtless, no pain, no hurt,

 

The fluids from inside now meet with the brains,

Now many creatures creep upon the remains,

They creep inside the veins oozing out like jam,

Death crept upon it like a brutal lamb,

 

Sirens flash and an ambulance drives by,
Nobody even realized that he did die,
Passing the body as if not even there,
People walk by as if without a care,

In the alley, there the body lay dead,
Decapitated, it lay without a head.

Reviews

[Helrac]

This was a great piece. Too often people walk around seeing only what they want to see and turning a blind eye to whats right in front of them. Unfortunately not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there. Thanks for sharing.

[Tai Ryens]

This flowed nicely, but just a tip, you could rephrase a couple lines to help them flow a little more better. For example, the first line could be positioned and rewritten to be "In an alley lays a body that's dead." That is, if you're going for a fast flow, and based on the rest of the poem, it kinda seems like you were.
Oh, another tip, in the first and last couple lines, the grammar is quite wrong. A singular subject always leads to a singular verb, so the "lay" should be "lays." Just saying.
I do apologize for my grammatical OCD's, it's just something that every writer should improve early so that they have no problems with it later on.
Anyways, nice metaphor, but it was unclear of the metaphor until you stated that the dead body was society. You could work on referring to society in your poem, such as naming the body 'society' or something like that.
Well, despite all that, this poem is amazingly done and the concept is brilliant. Keep it up!