no name #3

I didn't really like this one, i kept it unposted for a while. im not going to work on it much more though

under flickering blue light

in station 9s bathroom

pipe fittings, creak and drip

on muddled tile floor

the bathroom stalls

graffitied, in black, white, and red

written sprawling obituary for a prostitute

surrounded, littered by lunatic rants

her obituary graffiti, held a list

of each scar, each bruise, each busted lip

a schizophrenic forensic report

on what loneliness does to a w***e  

 

and you can assume how that 

eulogy ended, i did the same

the remnants were hastily tagged over

her name erased, probably by some ex lover

what was left, the way

she would blow, what was 

once her number,

and where to get cheap blow

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Grim and gritty, this one. A hooker's disfigured eulogy adorns the wall of a precinct bathroom. A sad ending for someone's lost child. Unpleasant, but such does happen.

[Arti]

Thank you you have deleted me. You think you can war with Pakistan. A small kid would say india definitely wins.

[.]

I don't understand why you didn't like it. You have a really strong narrative and I could easily imagine the scenes in my mind. I really loved this, one of my fav even.
"a schizophrenic forensic report
on what loneliness does to a w***e" I always loved your creative words.
"her name erased, probably by some ex lover" woah.
you are talented my friend.

[Vol]

Everett,
Actually, this is a very powerful piece. Your imagery is on target all the way through. It is what my ADD loves about poetry, A novel in 20 short lines. No, I think you should make this one a keeper worthy of correcting the typos...
What it says is that we 21st century folks are easily bought, and carefully "pimped" by the media, by politicians, by comedians, and anyone else that can tickle our anonymous fancy. Leave a tip on the nightstand... When the government pays for everything, the people who buy in are, by definition, prostitutes.
Vol