i need to grow a garden

i live in contradictions
between order and has-been
i bloomed for a second
before perennial death kicked in
 
my walking trails turned to busways
and i watch it the same
death-paths untrodden again, the foliage breaking pace 
the destination is different, but im all the same
 
i need to grow a garden
 
im a walking contradiction
i lay in bed all day
my rib is broken from overassertion
stabbing, searing, from lifting without weight
 
i have a shaker of wildflower seeds
and i threw them on my death-path
grace that follows to my grave
but i take the bus now
 
i need to die without pain
 
perennial mistakes
chase my short path to the bus station
where i let my tin shaker go
because there were faster ways
 
i live in contradictions
when faced with my own seedlings, i cant walk away
i took a bus to die quickly
and forgot the path i would take

 

untrodden and lost again

my rib is still broken

and on the bus i still ache

i need to grow a garden

so someone can find my grave