What I Would Do

 

 

I would have gladly

 

Chipped a tooth for you,

Lifted my head

In the dead piles

To cry for you

Through the skin steamed air

Not seeing you

But I would have

Gladly

Lost my tongue for you.

Tore.

Churned.

Huffed out loud

In the dark

Nest for you.

A home and fence

At the mess

Of sea

And sunless.

For you

I would have

Loved

Like I know you would care

I know you would crane

Through the unfiltered air.

So I stood for you

I stood in the march

The greed beaten tanned

Burned

Paraded scorch.

I felt my face

Cave

Before you

As I shouted

Words of need

Kneeded for you

And on my knees

My white turned red

My surrender eyes

Rendered no defence.

And on my stomache

I pleaded to you

Told you what I, what I

Would do

For you.

But still

The beat

Of your category feet
And the blooding sticks
Over my head

Roared in pain
I shouted your name
But your number

Deafened you.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Ally Baker]

wow, this poem had great emotion in it! i found myself craving more after devouring each line. This was a terrific write! Great job, you really have talent in this department of creativity. Thank you so much for sharing it!

~~Ally Baker
"Don't upset the writer. She might put you in one of her books and kill you."

[raining]

You are such a good writer. you offer others the opportunity to change and create in newer ways. This helps all of us to grow. thanks raining.

It is language and metaphor without strain. keep on doing it.

[.s h a d o w s i n s t ..]

"The beat

Of your catigory feet"

category?

I love how you likened this to a music number, possibly marching to the beat of your own drum? Awesome work.

[Roxie Martelli]

I love the sectioning in this poem. How you can define the rhythm in it when you get to the certain sections of saying What you'd do for said person (does that make sense?). The desperation in this poem is beautiful. The increasingly intense adjectives towards the end of the poem really make it come to a haltering stop. Gives a great feel to it. Love the way you write. I very much enjoy it. ^_^

[coldust]

you articulate quite well, i'll definitey take time and love to go through all your stuff!!