Fact

FACT: Stephen Spielberg burst, fully grown, from the knobby knees of the antichrist. After gaining consciousness, he gazed up at his proud father and, upon noticing that he was a giant rodent, proceeded to flee in terror and disgust. He denied his father and rebuked his name, nevertheless the DNA refused to let him be. He was haunted in his dreams by visions of what he thought were giant leering water molecules. The spiraling shapes mesmerized him, enticing him to evil with softly spoken heresies, searing his mind with images of color bright enough to blind a Kroft. “Come now Stephen, you’re one of us. You can’t deny your destiny. You will develop hundreds of hours of mindless family entertainment to dull the minds of the masses. The creative/destructive impulse rises from your mind like an endless spiraling tower of EZ-Cheese! Let it melt with your being. Float senselessly in the warm cheesy goodness. As it cools, it will be your womb. Wake now, be born to your destiny. For you are my son, and no one shall harm you.” He awoke from the dream, his mind sharp, despite the squishiness of his body. He rushed to the telephone and dialed the number of Joe Spinell. He recalled the dream as well as could be expected but the images flickered and the speech garbled as he related the tale. Joe was excited and said that it was a great movie idea. One week later the script for Jaws was completed, and deep within the bowels of Disneyland, the brain meats of an animatronic mouse surged with sweet victory. Repent! The end is near.