The stars aren't there anymore

Just something i wrote one night....

In the coldest night

I was waiting

For you

I didn't care about what the others

would say

I had promished you...

 

They warned me

You were lying...

And it was cold

But I stood there

Just waiting to see you...

 

It was the longest night

There weren't any stars

I couldn't see far

But I kept waiting

You had said you would come...

 

In the coldest night of my life

I was waiting

For you

But you never showed up

And I still can't see far

The stars aren't there anymore

Author's Note

please ignore grammar problems!

Reviews

[deadlife]

This is beautifully sad. I can see the darkness of the darkest night in the flowing words..There is longing..And there is hope. But as you said the stars are not there anymore..Eventually the hope dies into the fine threads of time..one by one..Passing away..in despair and those memories are dancing..in the darkness of the night. So wonderfully written.
A brilliant write.
Blessings.

[NeverSurrender]

I find this a good poem. There is a nice flow to it and it captures the emotion well.
Nicely done job!

[Through the Gateway]

Delightfully depressing. Like any good story of betrayal. I like the acknowledgement of the cold, as if even the temperature is trying to tell you to turn back, that you're waisting your time. The disappearing of the stars is fantastic, as if him not showing up were effecting the very night sky.

[Ama May Cooper]

That is beautiful .. i can also empahsize with the words.. the times we spend waiting for the one we love to show compassion they promised.. but we never recive.. love is one buisness i refuse to dabble in anymore.
This is wonderful... the sense of lonliness and despration in wating, and the stars fading is like the hope dieing.. i love it its beautiful

[Kelley]

This was very sad fotini and I could
feel the sadness breaking your heart
as you waited. Some people can be so cruel,
but all in the same this was an amazing poem.....smiles

Thanks for sharing a part of you.

Kelley

[Roy]

oh! The pathos! You captured the longing very well ..

[Jantelle Rosaria]

You've captured the longing and helplessness so well. I understand what it's like to put your heart on the line and the crushing feeling when it wasn't mutual.

Excellent work. Beautiful and touching.

[ScaryMissCherry]

This is very sad, I can feel the pain and you express it well.....

[Amaya1031]

Hi! Thank you sooo much for reviewing my story! I was really excited to get my first review! I read all three of your pieces... they are all touching and quite sad. I pray that you'll find happiness, fotini. Keep writing.

-Amaya

[Wildecat]

This is so sad, but beautifully written, thanks for sharing.

[Ama Lew]

Wow. It's very simple and yet i as a reader feel the pain. Helps to know the feeling I guess. I particularly like your repetition in the end. i think 'the stars aren't there anymore' is your strongest line. It really somes up the entire emotion. Good work.