Sexual Prison

Complicated relationships with a pain flavor

The cuts were deep  
Took awhile to scab over  
I didn't have enough pain  
Picked those scabs until they bled  
Only when raw did I feel better  
Moving through my day  
Irritation has a way  
Reminds you of your prison
I inflicted pain on her  
I hurt her emotionally  
Didn't think I was capable of that
I didn't think she cared enough about me  
Where I would have that kind of power  
Things are better now  
Talked through it  
Still I'm uncomfortable with peace  
I need conflict  
Always needing to solve  
Getting back to equal positions  
It only lasts so long  
I poke the bear  
What's wrong with me I ask myself  
It's prison  
You fucked up  
No parole  
 

Author's Note

Gouache Painting by Me

Reviews

[Lisasview]

First read of your and I do like it...and more importantly I get it...Life can be so interesting...right...
You end up finally getting it together for a real conversation and things get better...for awhile...but as you say you like conflict and so you poke the bear...
Many like to have conflict in a relationship..for a variety of reasons...perhaps the make -up is better than
the rest of the time...who knows..
Your poem ade me think...and that is always good.
Really like your painting.
I too am an artist... watercolour...
Lisa, now in Spain

[Blunt--Instrument]

Hi Lisa
Thank you for your comment. It’s a pleasure to have such an intelligent response to my poem. Relationships go through many stages and this is a cross section of my life on the fringes of being a man and artist. I am mostly doing gouache and watercolor on paper lately.
Appreciate your words !

[Lisasview]

You are so welcome. And, thank you so much for your comments...I appreciate them.
Not sure if you would like to read any of mine... They are quite varied...Some are Sonnets, while others are older poems written in the 70's and still others are sensual.. I wrote one called, Innocence....quite different from anything I have ever written... full of metaphors..Innocence..
I love painting...I actually taught loose watercolour in the USA for quite awhile and then on Zoom when we moved to Spain two years ago...
Anyway, great to meet you..
Lisa,

[JD Major]

As an impressive piece of writing as I've ever read, introspective and raw!
You've dissected your demon; you know how to lick him ...
So, What are you gonna do about it? ... Now, that would be a helluva read, huh?
JD

[Blunt--Instrument]

Glad you enjoyed this write JD.
The thing is, it's just a continuance situation.
We keep working on it but our differences are vast and we know it and while the conflicts are hurtful at times, they are also the glue that holds us together.
Appreciate your comment. Stay tuned

[John the Baptist]

I have written before about the discomfort with peace and the need for conflict. These things seem to afflict a lot of people. I think peace in some part of the mind is equated with stillness, which is equated with death. For some, the sound of the guns is preferable to the silence of death.

[Blunt--Instrument]

I need conflict to get to calm. Some relationships breed discomfort as well as love. I go with the flow but to be with me, it’s an unpredictable ride, never boring. Guess it’s a win, mostly they return to snarky lair …

Thanks John

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Some just thrive on drama...have to have the conflict to survive...peaceful is an uncomfortable word.
I really like this piece...and it reminds me of a couple times when I thought I had not the power to inflict pain because I did not feel the other person cared enough to hurt.
What little we know about love sometimes.

j.

[Blunt--Instrument]

That’s a really good assessment of my poem and your situation. Until I inflicted pain I didn’t know she really cared about me or the relationship. I found out fast how wrong I was and things got better though chaos is a constant theme.
Many thanks

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Eh, it's life. It's not perfect but it's real. It happens to us all. It sounds positively normal to me. I have a theory myself that everyone is insane but there are varying degrees of insanity and whole other levels. The trick in relationships, even friendships is finding the people of your own level and degree with whom you may tolerate their eccentricities as they tolerate yours. It's a balancing act of sorts or perhaps a flying trapeze act where you throw each other and pray the other will care enough to catch you and hope to heaven there's a net underneath if they don't. I enjoy your writing, F.

[Blunt--Instrument]

All good responses to this intricate write for me. I covered a lot of ground and the comments here and other places where I posted it seem to bear resemblance. The person I wrote it for really liked it too.
I very much appreciate your take and I’m looking forward to your friendship!!

Thx