Dawn

Written a few years back - hope it's okay to post things we've written in the past.

Dawn awakens day

as giant pitchers pour sunbeams

from heaven's hand.

Sunflowers smile greetings

and pine needles sparkle in the glow

til salmon colored sunset

liquefies day into night,

and daylight

is stashed away once more.

 

Absence of light...

cold as cubes of ice...

til morning light

cracks the curtain of night

 

gkb

 

 

Reviews

[VelvetRosetta]

Oh wow, very well penned! Beautiful wording, really stimulates the mind of the person/s reading...

[Zoe Jay]

This is richly, gorgeously descriptive. It's kind of old-school, there seem to be so few short, purely descriptive poems written any more. The structure and rhythm are very classic. I particularly like "giant pitchers pour sunbeams from heaven's hand" that's both elegant and vivid. The last four lines could almost stand alone, so I'd be tempted to put a line break above "absence of light" as I think this section has a slightly different feel to the rest of the poem, moving to a description of the dark than the light. It gives a nice sense of balance to the poem, so you should maximise that. :-)

[MuSe Ampoule]

Lovely images here. I love the movement through time of this piece...wonderful metaphors.

"til salmon colored sunset
liquefies day into night,"

[Robin]

vibrant images cast upon the imagination

[mir]

Fantastic! A show of your appreciation for some of the best things in life---I love your highlighting the various different beauties in nature!

[Nimbus Thread]

An interesting personification of dawn and its charming characters. The reader is filled with sensual pleasures from a well observed and creative view point. Excellent.

[Tina Kline]

Wow, impressive! This creates a delight for all the senses. Love this. Fantastic job!

[Michael X]

the artistic word play is classic, from pine scent- invigarating, to
salmon colored sunset wow, a stunning expressive and unique poem :)