Encounter With Death

A tale of horror, a tale of fright… Dare to walk the path on a moonless night?

The sky was moonless but the stars were shining brightly but no help as the darkness surrounded the lonely path snaking its way through dense trees. The path ahead was lonely.

Ram and Bali, two sojourns, with one destination walked on the path silently as the only sound accompanying them was of howling dogs and whistling of the wind. It was the same path, so familiar having walked on it for many times, but tonight was different. They had never been here so late and that too on new moon. They were feeling in their spine the wintery chill of the brisk wind that slashed their skin like knives.

 The whistling wind’s eerie sound was enough to scare the bravest of souls. Dogs were howling madly portending that the dark beings were at large. With their hearts thumping in their chests, Ram and Bali were trudging along their path. Beads of sweat were evident on their faces despite of the wintery chill. The trees along the path appeared like huge monsters set to ambush their prey.

Shapes of the dreaded monsters and demons that Ram and Bali had heard being described in the tales told to scare children. Now these very shapes were scaring the living daylights out of both of them. Ram and Bali were praying to  all the Gods, Goddesses and Deities they could think of, if they make their journey across safely, they would offer anything.

As they trudged along the lonely path, waiting for some sign that they were nearing their destination, the chill in the air suddenly started increasing. Their fast beating hearts were now feeling heavier. Not far ahead lay the ancient well. The well they had seen a numerous times. A definite sign that they were nearing their destination. Relief for heavy hearts and parching throat. As they approached the ancient well, the sight that greeted them left them flabbergasted.

Hundreds of pigs were gathered around the well, blocking their path. They had never seen pigs in the area as long as they could remember. For there were no pigs to be found for thousands of miles. The presence of so many pigs perplexed both of them. They had to find their way across them. As they made their way, Bali threw a kick across a pig blocking his path. Bali’s leg passed through the pig as if thin air. Bali became white with fear. He had expected to hit the solid body of the pig but his leg had passed right through the pig. Ram too became pale.

The pigs began to laugh. Their laughter inhuman, monstrous. Cold with fear, Ram and Bali held each other tightly. Bali’s bowels gave away. The monstrous laughter increasing, Ram and Bali ran. Ran as they never had before.

The first rays of sun found Ram and Bali unconscious on the outskirts of the village. Their bodies burning with fever. Ram muttering incoherently in his delirium. Bali’s fever never subsided. He never regained consciousness. The shock was fatal to him. Ram made his way to mental asylum. The path they had taken was still there. Waiting for another traveler on a moonless night.

Author's Note

My first attempt at writing a story... reviews will be appreciated.

Reviews

[ShadowFaux]

Very good writing, a few things you might want to consider tweaking. Like the word lonely is repeated, portended seems out of place, along with a couple other words as if you just injected a word straight from the thesaurus when you could not phrase something right. The way you phrase everything is not made for smooth reading, unless that's what you intended I suggest reading it to your self a couple of times and if you find it easy to read then I suppose you don't need any changes. This is fantastic for a first story and I love the laughing pigs, it makes me think of that bible story where the pigs are filled with demons or something. If edited this could be a great short story.

[M.King]

If this is your first attempt then I'm jealous. I wouldn't mind reading from you again.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very well written tale. Some repetition. I read my poetry and story aloud. Can catch repetition and things missed or needing deleted. I enjoyed your tale. Many types of hell. This one was a wild and scary one. I wanted to read and know more. Description is the key. You did very well. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[GCM]

Thanks everyone for the reviews. Appreciate it all and will definitely try to improve upon in my upcoming stories.

[Mia]

Definitely a winner especially considering its your first attempt, I'm very impressed. The idea behind the story is interesting and you really set the scene nicely! I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff :)

[Pencrafter]

Your story portrays the setting and characters quite well, creating scenes that evoke feelings of fear and dread. It just goes to show that we can't trust a pig.

[Author Rucha Joshi]

Very nice work!! Just keep it up

[Owlgirl]

Wow! That is eerie! Very well done, great job! It's so spooky and chilling. I love it. Awesome imagery, it's exceptional.

[GCM]

Thanks! :)