Personal Safety

I made this up as I went, just now, because the noxious agent needed time to work.

The atom bomb that looks
like rubber cement, but is
the polar opposite of rubber
cement leeches from the
stainless steel container
with the red facade
and in the time
that is equal to
the shutter speed
of the geologic camera
(a slow m**********r, one that is
slower than the descent of
a logarithmic curve toward
the x-axis), the agent negates
the effectiveness of adhesive
and the razor blade that is
equal to plate tectonics takes
over and rubs that f*****g concrete
cellar floor cleaner than 80-year old
grandma that is unfamiliar with a
Cleveland Steamer or a Cincinnati Bow-tie.

I don't know what Columbus has to offer,
but it said that Ohio is for lovers after all.

And this what happens when you get
high on chemical fumes, not so much
out of a need to get high, but when you
have a slight or serious disregard
for your own personal safety.

Reviews

[JimmyFlux]

This has a sorta stream-of-consciousness let's talk about science/but(t) f**k the scientific method approach/this is poetry thing going on. I sense madness and danger. The vulgarity of it is f*****g fantastic. I'm not kidding here, s**t like that is underrated in poetry and has its worth. There's a reason people don't give much of a f**k about formal tedious archaic verse they make the poor fuckers read in school. Poetry ought to be modern. This is a fitting example. You got some flow.

[Ms. Gruye]

I very much enjoyed the fluidness of your first stanza. You used a host of images and phrases to concoct some chaos of your own (Lewis Carroll reference craftily avoided...d'oh, face plant). I like how the narrator keeps getting caught up on atoms bombs, rubber cement, and tectonics. It paints a pretty clear mental landscape for me, espcially when capped with:

I don't know what Columbus has to offer,
but it said that Ohio is for lovers after all.

My only suggestion would be to remove the last stanza. It seems a bit too ham-fisted for the tone of the piece and is almost redundant. I'd like to make up my own thoughts of the narrator (probably which would be close to huffing or what not). I also like the idea of the title not being referenced.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

and you burn your mind up until only a mushroom cloud is left hanging over your head.....well penned Kenneth

[_mal]

This is excellent, I'm not quite sure what to say but wanted to let you know somebody read it and you inspired feeling