Fading Shadows

Prologue

 

Moonlight streamed through the blanket of clouds, illuminating the forest surrounding a small clearing at the edge of a cliff overlooking a mirror smooth lake. Trees weren’t the only thing the moonlight showed however, a small group of men, no more than two or three were creeping through the forest towards the clearing.

 They made surprisingly little noise as they crept forwards, even though they were dressed head to toe in full armor, most akin to the kind knights wore into battle, although these had the addition of winged helms. As they drew closer to the clearing there was a soft plop sound, as though someone had dropped something into the water.                 As the men neared the last few trees that separated themselves and the clearing the one in the lead held up a hand, signaling with a twitch of his fingers for the others to draw near so he could speak.           

                The other two looked expectantly at their leader as he spoke.   “Now, this Demon may be older then the dirt we walk on but that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat.” The Leader’s low growling voice came from behind the visor of his winged helm, a few wisps of steam flowed out from under the edge of his visor as he spoke, “So don’t get cocky, and don’t forget to use your rings if you have too.” The men rolled their eyes, they had been told this many times before.               The Leader could tell from their body language that they weren’t even listening at this point; “Alright, alright, I know you’ve heard it before so let’s just get this done, spread out and move on my signal.”

They moved out into a semi-circle around the edge of the clearing, drawing huge two handed war hammers, emblazoned with a golden eagle. Moonlight sparkled off the eagle’s beak as the leader held up his hand, clenched in a tight fist. The men watched it intently, waiting for the signal to strike. The Leader gave one last check to make sure they were ready, and then brought his hand down in a forward slash, signaling the attack.

 

 

Chapter One

The hammer gleamed in the sun as it crashed through the air at lightning fast speed before slamming into the ground with a loud slam, producing a cloud of dust which rose into the air, the intended target having move to the side to avoid the incoming blow.             “Come now, you’ll have to do better than that” sighed the man, standing as if bored with the entire affair before adeptly dodging another blow from the hammer.            “If you can’t even make a solid blow against an old man like me how can you expect to replace your father as the head of the Order?”

The wielder of the hammer growled “I can’t fight in this damn thing!” tossing the hammer down and gesturing at the full suit of armor he wore, “And I can barely see with this damned helmet on either.” Shoving his fingers under the lip of his helm he tore it off and threw it to the ground, causing it to bounce and roll across the training field towards the centre.

                The old man sighed, slowly removing his own helm and holding it in the crook of his arm.              “Damn it boy, we’ve been through this, when you take over the Order from your father you’ll be expected to lead the troops in battle, and you’ll be expected to wear the armor befitting the commander of our Order.”            “Besides, if I can manage to dodge your attacks while wearing a suit of armor like yourself you really don’t have any excuse not to be able to hit me.”

The younger man groaned, tired of hearing the same speech over and over his eyes drifted around the training field as the old man continued with his tirade.    “You have to learn to work with your armor, treat it like an extra set of skin; it has to flow with you if you hope to stand a chance against the Demon Hordes.”

Reviews

[Weaver]

comma after "the only thing the moonlight showed"
period or semicolon, not comma, after "however"
"a small group of men, no more than two or three were creeping" - From whose viewpoint is this, that the number isn't known except as a guess? I recommend changing this to "a small group of three men crept" - comma after "no more than two or three" if you keep it as it is
"They made surprisingly little noise" - Surprising to whom? Is there someone else in the scene who knows they are there and is aware of how little noise they are making? If not, delete the word "surprising."
"full armor, most akin to the kind knights wore into battle" - This tells us nothing about the armor other than that it is full. Do you mean that they were wearing steel plate? Chain mail? Cuir bouilli (hardened leather)? Laminate wood? Saying it's like a knight's armor doesn't tell the reader anything.
comma after "closer to the clearing"
"a soft plop sound" - "plop" should be italicized in this usage
"trees that separated themselves and the clearing" - "trees that separated them form the clearing" - comma after "clearing"
"older then the dirt" - "older than"
comma after "we walk on"
"The Leader’s low" - don't capitalize "leader"
"under the edge of his visor as he spoke" - delete "of his visor" - period, not comma, after "spoke"
"don’t get cocky" - This is a modern expression, and it jars somewhat in a story that appears medieval-ish.
"if you have too" - "if you have to"
semicolon or period, not comma, after "The men rolled their eyes"
"The Leader could tell" - don't capitalize "leader"
period, not semicolon, after "listening at this point"
"Alright, alright" - not a word - "All right, all right"
comma after "heard it before"
period, not comma, after "get this done"
"drawing huge two handed war hammers" - "two-handed" ("Huge" is probably not as large as you think it is. Real war hammers, as opposed to the ones made popular by fantasy movies and books, only weighed a few pounds. Unless you mean to imply that these men are FAR stronger than normal humans, don't go overboard with the weapons.)
"emblazoned with a golden eagle" - either "war hammers, each emblazoned with a golden eagle" or "war hammers emblazoned with golden eagles"
"Moonlight sparkled off the eagle’s beak" - "Moonlight sparkled off an eagle's beak"
"The Leader gave" - don't capitalize "leader"

"at lightning fast speed" - "lightning-fast"
"slamming into the ground with a loud slam" - redundant - I suggest changing "slam" to something else, like "crash"
"the intended target having move to the side to avoid the incoming blow" - This is a very passive way to describe an action, considering what is being described and how fast it happened.
comma after "better than that"
comma after "old man like me"
"The wielder of the hammer growled “I can’t fight in this damn thing!” tossing the hammer down and gesturing at the full suit of armor he wore" - "The wielder of the hammer growled. "I can't fight in this damn thing!" he said, tossing the hammer down and gesturing at the full suit of armor he wore"
period, not comma, after "wore"
comma after "with this helmet on"
(Ah, shades of the 'can't see with the blast shield down' scene from Star Wars...)
comma after "lip of his helm"
comma after "Damn it"
period, not comma, after "we've been through this"
comma after "from your father"
no quotation mark after "of our Order" - don't close a paragraph of speech if the same speaker continues in the next paragraph (but do use a quotation mark at the start of the second one)
comma after "like yourself"
period after "over and over"
start new sentence with "His eyes drifted"
"it has to flow with you" - Armor doesn't "flow," even to an experienced wearer. Having worn it and fought while wearing it, I can tell you that for certain. It is true, though, that it takes practice to learn how to move while wearing it - even flexible leather is an encumbrance, and plate takes a lot of getting used to. (Plus, some people just can't figure out how to make decently articulated joints in plate...)

There's a bit of awkwardness in parts of the narration, but the story itself has a good start. The prologue connects to the first chapter in a way that isn't immediately obvious - that would be a mistake - but the connection becomes apparent by the end of that chapter, and the set-up for more story is there, too.
If you're going to write a story in a medieval or quasi-medieval setting, you need to make sure you have your terminology clear, and that you know what various weapons, armor, and other things are actually like. (Even if you're going to depart from "realistic," you need to know what the realistic stuff IS before you know where it is appropriate to alter that.) Do your research - it will actually enhance the fantastic elements if the mundane ones are accurate.