speaks; still

“speaks” is i, soft and praying mantis child

looming over conscious thought, unwitty and

unmarked in disposition at the bus stop.

he isn’t quite hearing me, say i,

“excuse me, Sir” withstanding, then.

“i’ll stand, sure.” so

still is i, forever swimming inward.

 past tense forward foot on

….to… the…bus.

$1.20 and covering my lips, ‘cause i don’t say nothin’ ‘cause

You lookin’ at me funny like

“I don’t mean no disrespect, Ma’am,”

well.

i will sit where i goddamn please and i will

hold my baby girl and i will

stamp my foot third stop and pull on the line twice.

move.

and now, here, tired, sitting in this f*****g room with

Your paperwork and Your clipboard and Your pen with 

Your gum, stuck, LISTEN: my child is fingers and toes and 

holding her lungs in the palms of her hands, LISTEN!

i, appealing now. “Sir. Sir? SIR!!!!”

90 minutes n’blood creepin’ up Your

sterile linoleum tile�"

(still is i, still disappearing, awake or asleep…)

“no. NO!" you are blocking my way, Sir, and i’m

fifteen minutes falling down tryin’ to

break barricades through this,

yellin’ through this, Your glass “my. daughter.”

of course You’re deaf till she’s spitting red and now You payin’ attention,

‘cause it’s Your dollar for new linoleum

“Clear!”

that’s what I hear You look me up and down like You know

“clear!”

another time, still, still, still…

“….clear,”

no i ain’t dead but…

 “clear.”

wall clock. telling me

nothing…

walls.

white walls ‘cause it’s the Preferred Color.

“…pamphlet, here. Medicaid?”

what.

“Medicaid?”

f**k.You.

“Ma’am? organ donation?”

like You’d want it.

“Fine.”

still, and heavy exit sign,

cold seat,

“okay.”

put my wallet here before i turn and walk

away, (“You killed my child, i’m leaving”)

to where we stood , remember?

after the park i bought you a balloon

i think it was pink.

remember?

coat, car-blown taxi wind

but i can’t feel it�"yes, it was pink...

baby, i’m sorry.

baby.

hair in my face black water

fighting against the skyline, blurry but

you can see me good where you’re air,

right? 

past the cops, a little faster...

people said you had my dimples but

your daddy didn’t though.

hush, hush.

pavement under my shoes singin’

“baby, i will be there.”

i can feel that now

i miss you.

sirens. ready.

upward steps, breathe

sound like i can’t hear no more

just air and you and black water

maybe i’ll breathe better in it.

some days this city tells me somethin’

railing metal on my skin sinking,

but now i’m speaking to the sky so you know,

baby:

I will be East River

where you lost your balloon.