Prologue

She hated the dark. She always had. The dark was where bad things happened to undeserving little girls; nightfall was when the shadows came out to play.

The shadows didn’t have names or identities. They didn’t deserve them. They didn’t really have anything - no possessions, no individuality, nothing that made them stand out from the rest of their kind. But they had people - humans they used to be attached to. They needed to be controlled; their human equivalents would be put in danger otherwise. They left their humans by age of six, freeing themselves and fleeing to the darkness where they belonged.

But sometimes - rarely, not very often at all - they came back. And if one of them came back… their human needed to be prepared.

She scrunched her toes up, jerking her leg away from the edge of the bed. It was there again. She could feel it, lurking in the darkness, waiting for her to fall asleep. She was exhausted, but she wasn’t going to let herself give in. She was going to be strong. Her life was at stake. That’s not to say she was afraid - she was petrified. For a child of only eight to be terrorised by a creature too monstrous for her mind to comprehend - one that she couldn’t even hide from - was a nightmare that she, just like some of the other children her age, was forced to endure every single night.

She grabbed the torch she kept by her bed, her fingers grasping the handle like it was lifeline - because in a way, it was - and switched in on, aiming it straight at the patch of blackness creeping up over the edge of the bed to make it disappear. She slept with the light on every night but it always found somewhere to hide - in the wardrobe, under the bed, and anywhere else it found that light couldn’t reach. Shining a light on them was the only way to get rid of them. Light made them retreat, but only for a few minutes. Then they’d come back, if they were particularly persistent.

Her mother didn’t believe hers was so eager to take her, so the only advice she received from her was to be brave and strong. But little Riccarda wasn’t as courageous as her name suggested.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think of it so far (and keep in mind that it's only the first draft).

Reviews

[John]

I'm not into dark themes but I enjoyed the pace. Got my attention which a prologue should do. One other thing, and please accept this constructively, but "Riccarda" doesn't suggest "courageous" to me.

Whoops! Just looked up the name "Riccarda". I see it means "powerful ruler". Germanic. My bad.

[Leon C]

It's an intriguing idea and I wanted to read more to see how it developed. Like the previous reviewer I think you should take your time with each idea and concept. I think we all tender to want to hurry on with what we write but that is a sign of a lack of confidence. Don't add too many layers of description, just say everything that needs saying in a clear voice.

My questions are:
Where does Riccarda live?
What sort of property is it? - house, apartment, timber built, brick built?
Does she have brothers and sisters

But good stuff very promising

[Pickletheplacid]

The pace of the story so far is great. You could stay slightly longer within each paragraph and add some minor adjectives, build the scene, provide the reader with more smell and taste. Consider all our 6 senses.

Watch the over use of semicolons.
Question if a concept works, for example, if ‘shadows’ stay away from light then would a few extra lights solve her problem. Don’t have the reader thinking “I’d just buy a dozen table lights and position them in the areas where the ‘shadows’ could lurk?”
If you take the Freddy Krueger stories as an example, the evil appears in dreams which are unavoidable eventually. Darkness in a bedroom can be overcome easily (if that makes any sense.)

I’d like to see more of the story and interested what direction you will take.

[M. Black]

Very good. It's an intriguing storyline that I would definitely read more of.