Shorts

micro shorts

    Shorts

 

No Love

I am tired of grandma always telling me to pick up my room and to do my chores. All she does all day is nag nag nag and tell me I’m bad. I’m not bad I’m ten. I like to play outside and not worry about grown up stuff like chores. She doesn’t even love me. I heard her tell her church friend she thought I was possessed by the devil and the only reason she lets me live with her is because she gets paid to. I feel like she doesn’t really love me. She is always on my case. I want to move away. I wish I was Charlie like in Charlie in the chocolate factory. Sadly I am not that lucky and why that old b***h had to die. I told her to stop complaining about my toy cars. That’s why I pushed her down the stairs. Maybe now I will get to go live at Willie’s chocolate factory.

 

Blind Date

                “Go on a blind date they” they said. “It would be fun” they said. Now I’m sitting here totally bombing this interview. Let’s be honest that’s all dates are is an interview, you sit there asking each other meaningless questions like you’re really interested. It’s usually all for nothing in the end. It all doesn’t matter. You might get luck and get a cookie for dessert when you carry her home or you might get a second date. After that all the things you talked about doesn’t matter. You spend the rest of the relationship trying to change each other. Your best bet is to find something about the person and like the hell out of it. Like this girl in front of me. I could care less about her being a teacher to make a difference or her constant service to the community. If we make it past this then I know shed make me go to all these stupid little event and dress up like a trained monkey. I’m just going to smile and look at her rack. Her twins are the only interesting part of this dinner. Later down the road they are going to be the only thing I like of her. They will be the only thing that keeps me around. Maybe I’ll get a double scoop of vanilla ice cream for dessert.

 

Reunion

 

Why in the hell is she here after so many years? I thought I left her in my rearview mirror when I left that awful town. Now she is here. Here with me. Clear across the country. Is she stalking me? Or is this just coincidence. Why would God do this to me? I worked so hard to get her memory out of my head. She altered the chemical in my mind. It was full of sweet harmony. Now it’s full of screw this bull s**t. She has no idea what she did to me. She led me on and made me believe in her like a fake profit. She strung me like the strings on Santana’s Guitar. She expects me to go say high to her? She has me fucked up!

                Oh s**t here she comes. What do I say? How do I look? Wait, why am I worrying about this? I’m over her. She threw me out like yesterday’s trash. She made me feel like a prom night dumpster baby; like I was unwanted and not worth anything. Do I smell okay?  I wonder if I have changed to her. S**t she is getting closer. Damn she looks good. I should not think about this right now. Last thing I need right now is a pocket rocket.

                “Hey it’s been a while” she says. That’s it? All I get is it’s been a while? She tore my heart out ate it, shitted it out, and flushed it. How in the hell does she think I am. I stayed in my room for a month eating ice cream and listening to “I loved you, you left me, and I’m going to die now” 90’s alternative. F**k her she doesn’t deserve me. I can do better than this no t***y having bimbo, but her buttock though. I remember being like a pirate and plundering her booty at least three times a day.

                Man she is starting to sound like Charlie Brown’s parents. I remember why I slept with her mom now. “Excuse me I have to take a major dump.” I guess you only miss things till you get it back then you like fly away birdy fly away.