My Sun.

“Who am I

To you?”

 

A simple question, yet those small words

send me fumbling around my head searching through

the millions that could answer them.

 

You are something stable in my life, the

type of person who I wish I could be [with].

 

You remind me constantly of the Sun,

something so beautiful that I want to spend

all day staring at it, longing to latch onto it.

And it burns ever part of me, from my eyes

to what lies beneath them.

 

And the distance is not intentional,

I just never know what to say,

or how to say it. Let alone what to talk about.

 

I just, I still love to hear your voice steady

over the phone lines. Love to know that

you’re there, that I have you somehow..

even if it isn’t.....

 

[cut]

 

and that is where I always catch myself.

Sensor the little [large] lingering screaming

 feelings I have for you.

Remember how I said I had two parts of me in my head?

That I separated so I could talk to you objectively?

Well.. the not-best-friend side has been screaming at the top of her lungs.

So all of those silences, it’s me trying to wrestle that part back into silence.

Because I don't want to lose you.

 

The feelings, they are still the same,

larger maybe, growing gnawing at

the soft part of my heart that you’ve

melted out. They haven’t gone anywhere.

But I didn’t want you to know.

Didn’t want you up worrying, thinking

about “keeping me hanging”

Cause you’re not really.

I am clutching onto you.

 

I love you.

I do.

And I don’t want to hurt you.

Or anything. I just, I don’t know

if my love for you, that keeps me hoping

to read new poems or see you again

soon. The love that makes me adore hearing your

voice, makes my heart skip and stumble over itself.

I don’t know if it is all

completely friendship.

 

I wish I was stronger than my feelings.

That I could ignore them, and be

the best friend I know you need.

I am trying. I swear. I just.

 

I love you.

I am sorry.

 

Author's Note

This was a letter ish to someone, but it felt a lot like a poem, so thats what it turned into.

Reviews

[kaycee]

I hope I am getting this right...the feelings of the line between friendship and something more being blurred. It's definitely frightening. I feel like if friendship grows into something else, there's more of a danger of losing everything altogether because it seems that too often, these things don't last forever. I hope I am making sense...haha. It's been a long day.

[Pink Poison]

Sad...I've felt that way too. It's hard to say goodbye when you still love a person, but harder still, to be friends with them after a break-up. It takes a lot of courage and love to do that, and I think your poem displays both. I don't think YOU have anything to apologize for. Whoever lost you should be kicking themselves for letting you get away. You, my dear, are the real thing.

[Ignorance Was Bliss Eve..]

Wow. Very touching. And unstable.
Kinda chaotic emotion wich seems to put the mind state
at a stable for a sec then chaotic the next. Very up and down.
I love this kinda stuff.
I can relate big time. Love it!

[nocturnalbeast]

I really like this.....it's really relatable...!!!
I feel this way about someone.!!
really great write.!
[[I enjoyed reading.]]
keep sending those requests.

[Chaos]

Often the heart starts off in a "letter", but often fly's into verse. Poetry is the song of the soul. I could feel the conflict in this piece and your longing to be and to feel something that I don't know if you can feel. That separation that you long for is impossible because you are you and your feelings dictate where your resides and it's obvious to me, you heart resides in him; the essence of him.

Nice write.