The Salad Spinner Massacre

Humanity had always been excellent at misunderstanding things: fire, taxes, gravity. But this time, they’d truly outdone themselves.

Victor dove behind a crumbling brick wall as a silver harpoon whistled past his ear. Behind him, the mob, torches, pitchforks, and one guy wielding a salad spinner for some reason, screamed: “Bleed the freak!” “Drain him dry!” “Save some for the sangria!”

He grinned. Sunlight stitched his wounds shut. Garlic fueled him. Holy water energized him. A stake through the heart? Not death. A promotion. Eternal consciousness. Forever awake. Forever bleeding.

Captured vampires became miracle tonics. Wrinkles vanished. Cancers dissolved. Egos swelled. Humanity toasted their “victory” over monsters and called it progress.

Victor crushed a garlic bulb in his teeth. Power surged. Dawn spilled over the ruined city, warm and bright. For a heartbeat, the pain in his clawed face eased. He could surrender, let them drink him, become one of the glassy-eyed husks nailed to boards, screaming forever.

No.

He sprinted toward the sun. Behind him, a voice yelled, “He’ll taste better after lunch!”

And the cruelest joke? In their lumpy little hearts, the humans believed they were heroes.

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

Both start and finish were surprising, Such a clever theme, fine words laid carefully with a strong core, well worth a second read, Would like to say more but might spoil some readers' interest.

'the humans believed..' is surely inferring there's more to come. I truly hope so.

[Lauren]

“Hey, I read a bit of your work and really liked how you handle character voice. I’m developing a fantasy comic/graphic novel set in a protected woodland where humans, animals, and creatures can all communicate, with some humor mixed in. I’m mainly looking for help with dialogue and character moments. If that sounds interesting, feel free to reply or add me on Discord: laurendoesitall or Instagram: lizziedoesitall.”

[Elsa 123]

Hey!
I just came across your story and really liked it, your writing makes the scenes super easy to picture, which I love as an artist.
I do commission work like book covers, character art, and I think your story could look amazing visually. If you’d ever be interested in custom art for it, I’d be happy to help!
You can reach me on Instagram (elsaa.uwu) or on Discord (elsaa_uwu) anytime

[Hallow]

I loved the twist. Very creative.