45. Internal Conflict

Now I can.

I can't bring myself to say

I miss you

I can't bring myself to say

I love you

All I can think is

I need you to leave

All I can think is

I need you to stay

I can't bring myself to admit

That I miss

The way things used to be

The way we used to be

I can't bring myself to admit

That it makes me sad

To look into your eyes

When once I couldn't look away

I'm scared to admit

That yesterday I sat down and cried

Tears fell from my eyes

Saltwater stained my pillows

I'm scared to admit

That I still want you to stay

Even though we don't talk anymore

Even though I know you despise me

The things I can't bring myself to say...

Author's Note

For me this poem is about wanting to say something so badly, wanting to reach out, but fearing the response, fearing rejection.