81. For Once

Backbone.

My entire life has been

Trying endless to please everyone else

While putting my own wants and needs second

And yet no matter how hard I tried

There was always someone who was angry

My entire life has been

Walking on a thin line

And every stumble was a huge mistake

We both know that if it had been anyone else

Other than me it wouldn’t have been a big deal

 

I don’t even know why I try anymore

Why should I have to go through life

Censoring all of my thoughts and actions

When no matter what I do

Someone is always going to find fault in it

 

You know it’s really not fair

I put my happiness aside to please all of you

But I don’t even get a simple thank you

And if I were to ever tell you no

You would call me a self-centered b***h

 

My entire life up to this point

Has been me trying to make you like me

I made myself miserable with all of my attempts

To make everyone else feel better

But even when I know I’m right, I’m wrong

 

So now I’m done putting you before me

And I don’t care what you say

 

To try to make me feel like I’m being bad

Because for once in my life I’m making myself happy

And you know it’s such a relief to not have to play to your needs

 

So go ahead and call me a self-centered b***h

I’m done listening to you

And you know for the first time in 20 years

I feel like I’m finally free

Because for once I’m listening to me

Author's Note

I am a people pleaser. I hate when people are upset with me. But no matter what I do or try to do someone is always trying to make me feel guilty. This poem is for everyone out there like me, who's sick of making themselvs miserable to make others happy.