The opening to a vampire story

An opening to a vampire story

     Her soft black hair shifted about her pale face in the darkening moonlight as she dove silently and gracefully from the turrets. The breath caught in my throat as I stared through the awkward lens of my camera. I tumbled backward as I hastily snapped the picture and fell onto the harsh gravel, scraping my hands badly. Then, I stared back at the place where the mysterious dark-eyed girl had stood, wrapped in a white silk nightgown. Slowly and fearfully and turned my attention to the ground below… nothing. A bat flapped away behind me.

     As I sat there, breathing heavily, an ice cold finger touched my face, and I stood as hastily as my numb limbs would allow. Turning around, I found myself staring into the deep eyes of the black-haired beauty. She opened her red lips slowly, and I fell once more upon the gravel in genuine terror.

Reviews

[Seracies]

It's captivating with beautiful and believable description.
It leaves me wanting more.

[ATG]

Sounds like a good begining to a story. I wouldn't suggest starting right where this scene begins, but I would suggest starting near where this begins.

It was good. I think it will make a great story.