Existence

Saga, of a weary existence, carry on,
With no more agonies or anguish to decipher,
Frustrations are less now, moving only,
To reach a state of equilibrium,
Words are accomplishing journey,
Randomly, thoughtlessly, but gently,
Ears are aware of every humming,
Only spirits are out of spirits,
It can press, though can not express,
Any more moves? Can any?
Even sun is reluctant to continue more,
As another sick day is towards its end.

Reviews

[Prabha Salimath]

" To reach a state of equilibrium,
Words are accomplishing journey,
Randomly, thoughtlessly, but gently,
Ears are aware of every humming,
Only spirits are out of spirits, "
These lines are really touch the reader Hardeep. Existence means a lot which I want in present a lot, I neither try in past or future very less.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot Prabha for a nice review

[MomzillaNC]

Finding that balance is very difficult. Finding the words to express it more difficult still.

NOTES: "Cannot" is one word (you have "can not")
I don't think poems don't have to rhyme or have a rigidly defined meter. That said, I do think a balanced flow in meter helps the movement and impact of the lines.

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks for your kind advice, I will for sure look at it

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Dipanjan Dutta]

Hardeep, this is fascinating. It has the emtion and stress we feel everyday but express hardly. Your choice of words is marvellous. This one is indeed refreshing as I read it at an end of a day. The poem is precise but it reflects your vivid imagination, the depth of your thinking and the vastness of your writing skills. I truly enjoyed this sad tale as in I felt it.

Thank you for the splen did work.

:)Dipanjan

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot Dipanjan

[Dipanjan Dutta]

You are most welcome

[M.A.Rathore]

Wow! One of the moving poem expressing the pressed feelings as long as it could be. No more pangs are felt being frustrated countlessly. Though the same moving account we feel many a time yet the finest expression moves us deeply with asthetic power
I realy enjoy this peice so much Some of finest expression are as below..

"Ears are aware of every humming,
Only spirits are out of spirits"

And see how the sun is even find itself tasteless....
"Even sun is reluctant to continue more,
As another is sick.................................."

Keep writing..
Happy Diwali...
-M.A.Rathore

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot sir,
and a very happy deewali to you too (belated)

[M.A.Rathore]

Welcome .......Have a good day!

[ayesha gupta]

a sparkless thought.. life without spark would be like the same you described.
i dont know exactly what to say.. you described the emotion so strongly..

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot Ayesha :)

[AprilRN1210]

ahh yes, that "state of equilibrium".. we have more power than we realize in that department.. I love the next part.. "words are accomplishing journey/ randomly, thoughtlessly, but gently."... makes you think.. I know how this feels..

when that balance is thrown off our "spirits can seem out of spirits" for sure..

there is definitely a difference between living and existing.. well done:)

(not sure if can not should be one word or two here..)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks a lot AprilRN, nice to see you always :)

[AprilRN1210]

You're welcome my friend, it is always a pleasure:)

[R Smith]

a very sad but strong tale, i truly hope you just write from imagination, would hate to think this is a reflection of your life, great work my friend :)

[hardeep sabharwal]

Thanks Richard, for the care, and wishes and everything, my dear friend :)