I Don't Mind

No stars can be seen on a cloudy night 
I'll watch them anyway 
Two swings empty 
After you 
Suspended in summer 
Night after night 
We can leave 
The melodies play 
We'll bob our heads 
A black circle 
Nothing's there 
I don't mind 
Something from the past 
Just another story 
I'll take the present 
Let it fall 
We don't mind 
A dash to cover 
I'm soaked 
I don't mind 
Headlights glare onto open pavement 
It's raining and I don't mind 
A house appears 
I'll walk in the rain 
I don't mind 
I'm at your doorstep 
The choice is mine 
I don't mind 
It's the small things 
No good-byes 

Author's Note

What do you think? Analyze, interpret, and critique and overall thoughts.

Reviews

[Andrew'sWonderland]

I love the flow, rhythm, and even the shortness of the lines!!! It's vivid and smooth!! Great Job!!

[Pilar Palombo]

This has an excellent flow and I love how chopped up the lines are, almost like a stream of thought. I also love how you use such small, poetic details to describe a large and vast love. You show instead of tell which is really good. Maybe since each line is so short, and each line counts and is very important you could have tied up the ending with the title so it would end sharper.

Overall, I have to say that this is brilliant.
Normally short lines would take away from a piece of writing, but these lines don't come across as fragmented. The flow is good, almost like a song. I read it straight through without a pause, which is a good sign.
The repetition of "I don't mind" shows your point of view, and then when you transition to "we don't mind" it reveals the point of view of others.