Courage

A girl I saw, for just less than 3 seconds as we walked by each other, in opposite directions in this too big world.

A new face
smiled and passed,
smooth and kind,
dark hair and eyes,
turned mine
with a deep sigh.

 

Will we meet
our purpose, defeated
by the line of time?

 

Could I pry
backwards to try
and speak of this beauty
to her with courage?

 

These questions confine
and sour my mind,
trapped in the past,
this face will not last

Author's Note

An older poem of mine. A bit more playful than my usualy style. What do you think?

Reviews

[MorganLyn]

I really like this line.
"Will we meet our purpose, defeated by the line of time?"
The rest of the poem I really didn't get... but this one really spoke out to me...
I see that this is just an older poem so I'm looking forward to reviewing your newer work!!
- D

[Maxwell]

I'm not a fan of the rhymes in the last stanza, to be completely honest. They seem forced. Also, a few things don't really make sense. "turned mine/with a deep sigh": Turned what? Turned in your direction? "Could I pry/backwards to try": I think I know what you're saying here, but it seems awkward.

That said, good job as is. I can tell here you were experimenting with rhyme a bit ("Will we [meet] / our purpose, de[feat]ed") and, well, I can tell that it helped you improve as a poet, because you have.

Not my favorite of yours, but as it's an older one, I won't hold it against you. You're clearly a poet now than you were then, and that's all I'm going to say about that. xD

[J.P.O.et]

Definitely lighter for you, as you said it is older
You wrote this for a face you saw for three seconds,
Ahhhh a face that can provoke inspiration, I know that feeling
This is fun and I like that, how about a less sour note at the end
Keep writingand I'll keep reviewing, send me any requests or others you love
I get around to all of them
J.P.O.et