In Silhouettes

Night to daylight

Let us sit

in silhouettes

that swept away our skin,

muscle, bone and sinews.

 

As I stare

through this mirror,

your eyes have glossed,

black and blended, but, not lost.

 

We can watch

the horizontal

gold, a sunrise

at our slender sides.

 

Let it register

our features,

then we can see,

that you are not for me.

Author's Note

This was written for a contest, and has yet to be entered yet. It had to be about the picture. So critique the heck out of it, please, and help me enter the best poem I can :-)

Reviews

[Hold Fast Hope]

The picture fits perfectly with this poem, and the poem is even better. I love the end and how it's kind of an unexpected ending.

"Let it register
our features,
then we can see,
that you are not for me."

Keep up the good work. I hope you won the contest or even a mention for writing such great work.

[Dan Bullock]

Bittersweet memory that surely was a great night with the clarity of a morning air? Beautifully reconstructed into simple words with great meaning, comes across very well, great stuff :)

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Oh, that's really cute! You know, there are 6 billion people on this planet, and they are not all for you.

I like this joke (of which this reminds me):

Me (to a Muslim friend): How many women should a good Muslim man have in his harem.

My Friend: As many as he can satisfy both sexually and financially.

Me: Rocket! It looks like I get them all!

Hahahahhahaha!

Anyways. Good write. I wish you luck with the contest (unless I am also in it.) Great write!

-Gabe

[Vince]

Love the contrast, that sometimes it's best to see someone in the dimmed lights, to get a better vision of them, so to speak. Not always do we need blaring, bright lights to examine something. I can see the sun, and it's golden golden golden.

[April Child]

Haha Ok I wasnt expecting that last line. Always like it when a poem surprises me.

I can't make any suggestion for improvement here but I do wish you luck with the contest :)

Loving the horizontal gold, sunrise...

[Sandra K]

Very strong. So many things said in a few words

I wish you luck on the contest!

[Johee Poetry]

the end is wonderful. very good description especially the line "swept away our skin ".

[Michael W. Farrelly]

Love the twist at the end. Who says seperation can't be romantic?

[No One Important]

It does seem like a bit of give and take...well illustrated...

[laceyjane23]

i really like this poem! i think you did a wonderful job in comlimenting the picture for this piece it seems like a lovers quarrel. keep on writing!
laceyjane

good luck in your contest!