Insect

Death...

Smoke fragments from a spastic cough,

the ferment fever of a lung’s turbulence,

as an asphyxiated ant crawls through dust

fallen from the fired ashes of the burnt floor above.

 

Panic struck, mild sighs decline as her life

slows like aged carbon, collapses in a cloud

coughed out faintly and parlous until she drowns,

covers and cremates with the hardwood floorboards.

Author's Note

I thought about what it would be like to die in a house fire, and this came out. Thoughts?

Reviews

[Vince]

I didn't get the house fire part until you mentioned it in your note. It's so much clearer now! I had actually written a piece about my house going up in blazes just the other night. It's in fragments and all though. Asphyxiated ants and hardwood floors, that's great. My house will definitely have hardwood floors. Two pieces about insects in a row for me, I'm just randomly choosing the ones you wanted me to read so it's a coincidence. Hope you are doing well!

[Sandra K]

very intreseting!

Thanks for sharing!


Sandra K

[J.P.O.et]

I really like your alliteration and flow in recent work,
'as an asphyxiated ant', 'fallen from the fired ashes' just a couple examples
and without a doubt the ending was superb
' covers and cremates with the hardwood floorboards'
for some reason, I really like that, Great job Travis
J.P.O.et

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This is a good poem, but I had no idea that this lady was dying in a fire until I read your note. I thought maybe she was dying from something else. Though there was the presence of fire in my mind, I just didn't see the fire for some reason. Maybe it is just my brain. It is very good anyways.

[Erin Phoenix]

It's sad really. I still like it. I like sad.

[David Salinger]

Interesting concept. Reminds me of a teenage girl that died in a house fire because her parents tied her to the bed. They said she was "emotionally unstable" and were afraid that she'd hurt herself somehow.

Yeah, that worked out.