My Room

The first poem in a series about the house in which I grew

The red pin striped right wall

blends into scarlet and black plaid checkers

before they touch the corrugate white ceiling’s

shadows, always bent

and point away from the center.

 

In seven little league team pictures,

ages five to twelve,

with uniforms from Oakland to New York,

I hold my bat steady

to not show my missing baby teeth

when I smiled

at a relative point of optimism.

 

Strip the sport posters off my wall,

all my walls, and allow me to redecorate my lime green

meaningless accomplishments, set on a shelf ready to fall,

trophies celebrating insanity,

figurines that do nothing but sit.

 

Ink on a leather basketball.

 

A gravity maker pulled saved change

to spiral into a black hole collection of tokens.

 

Stuffed Snuggles the bear sat and rocked his rocking chair

between an alphabet cushion,

and stares plastically at my diploma

into my closet’s sliding door, a full mirror

to see myself dress for school mornings and days.

 

This is the lazy dog’s room, now,

and sometimes the calico cat

will sleep below her gold,

light shined through open blinds,

and dream of lying in tall African grass

like a real big cat.

 

I stumbled in to my pets here last night,

but their shadows had left to follow the light.

 

Across the street

I see (now that the bushes are trimmed)

into the dark day cared houses,

and notice Cory Authem‘s,

whose older brother of three years

is a murderer,

convicted by a taser.

 

His parents had asked Jesus into my heart,

then divorced.

 

In my eight-year-old eyes,

Saturday snow stuck in late January

where I ran early morning

to show him what I found,

a sound white blanket on the frozen central Texas asphalt,

melted before today starts.

 

My room window’s snowy moments

are medium rare memories,

like yellow wallpaper painted red.

Author's Note

Imagery is my main objective, among many.

Reviews

[Kasey Klein]

Hey Travis.

Let me get this out of the way: pinstriped is one word.

You're surprising (as I said, I've been subjected to some real trash lately).

One thing standing out, is your use of possessives.

ceiling's shadows
lazy dog's room
Window's snowy moments -- this whole phrase if great. Obviously, you're a Whitman fan.


You achieve your objective, not only good imagery, but great subtle commentary, the stuff magic's made of.

figurines that do nothing but sit. That's some very good stuff.

You don't hang on too long. This is a great line:

Ink on a leather basketball.

I love to see lines like this in literature, short, snappy, a sentence fragment, a paragraph of its own. It's a powerful tool so few writers know how to use. So few writing know anything about pace and timing, it seems.

Such subtle irony, too: like a real cat.

Good stuff, Travis, I'm pleased to meet you.

[Raef C. Boylan]

Praise is so overused on this site that it feels cheap, but I need to tell you how amazing this piece is
[amazing being my top casual compliment]. Clearly, the other great poem of yours I reviewed today was not a fluke; you are a talented writer.

Anyone could describe their room - but most wouldn't create something as overwhelmingly well-crafted as this. There are so many great images, and - as someone below has also commented - the pace and timing of this are judged to give it a cosy, nostalgic vibe...the reader really does feel transported to this room, because the descriptions and mood are so vivid.

The best thing about this is how balanced you've made it: not just setting, or just objects, or just personal reflection and memories - but a blend of all three; plus, we delve into the imaginative aspirations of your cat [both lovely and amusing, by the way].

"The red pin striped right wall
blends into scarlet and black plaid checkers
before they touch the corrugate white ceiling's
shadows, always bent
and point away from the center." - I think that either "point" should be 'pointing'/'pointed', or you need another comma after "bent"...or something, because the tenses seem slightly in conflict here.

The section that deals with Corey Authem's brother etc. causes me a little pang of wanting to improve it.
I think you judged the tone really well: snippets of memories, tableaux and references to intrigue the reader without letting them in on the whole situation. However, it reads as a slightly too vague in the last but one stanza; are you talking about Corey or his brother, and are we supposed to know what it is that you found and showed him, or is that an element hidden from us?

I like your use of short lines in-between stanzas; those statements are bold and memorable ones, a few extra stitches to hold it all together and make the material smooth and seamless
- "Ink on a leather basketball." - without having to explain anything, we understand fronm this simple [/simplistic haha] sentence that you have an autographed basketball [...right?]

Overall, brilliant poem.
Thanks for posting it for us to read.

[poddar kushal]

the pictures are of superb quality and the reel of words you have chosen to use are equally wonderfull. i thank karl for sending this talented writting to me

[Alexzan Marie]

Imagery being your objective, it was wonderfully achieved. I felt as if I had been there looking at things with you. I really want to see the pinstriped and checked walls... Wonderful write. I can't wait to see more.

[Ember]

Well, if imagery was your objective, you've got it spot on, Travis! Well done. Nice choice of words through it all.. I thought you did extremely well on building the history, while still maintaining that imagery that is so very evident in your works.. I'd have to say my favorite line was "like yellow wallpaper painted red". Good job!

[J.P.O.et]

Did I get a read request for this ish......... no
This, my friend is awesome
This is the long one you were talkin bout, and there's more i'm sure
The one about the house and I love it, it's longer than your usual and I can tell you
really put the time and energy into this. You tell me a story with this piece
and then some. 'Convicted by a taser', a lil tripped up on that line and could discuss this piece with
you cause you did an incredible job, very impressed
J.P.O.et

[Sandra K]

I would love to see your room in person now! lol