Solitude of Man

Written for a poetry module I am taking at uni. First shot at couplets. All criticism welcome.

Down by the brook

I sit

 

Sitting on the bank

I stare,

 

I stared

Across the open world

 

The world

Opening beyond all comprehension.

 

Open, my mind wanders over

Petty thoughts

 

Thoughts so uselessly subtle.

I can’t stand them.

 

Standing, leaping from the bank

Into abyss,

 

The abyss;

Nothing touches the sides.

 

Touching my face and clutching

At my soul

 

I stood, I stand by the brook.

 Alone.

 

 

Reviews

[C. C. Burl]

This is neat. I like how you use a word from the last line of the couplet to start the next couplet. I like this:

Thoughts so uselessly subtle.
I can't stand them.

And:

Touching my face and clutching
At my soul

I love that. Clutching at the soul. Lately I feel like I've been doing a lot of just touching my soul and exploring it. So lovely job, Thomas! Flora.

[Dorchadas]

This was beautiful Thomas.
I love the quiet contemplation, the unobtrusive hint of desperation.
The feeling of isolation and solitude put to words and portrayed so perfectly.

[BEEGE]

Not bad.
I like the form you used on this one.
It was a littler different for me which made it better
in my eyes. Good word choice and well written.

BEEGE